In case his terrible music and pun-ful name aren’t enough to make you permanently dislike Will.i.am, he also has some gross ideas about what’s correct for lady behavior. Apparently owning condoms is tacky?
ELLE: If you walked into a woman’s house, what one item would convince you that you weren’t compatible?
W: If she had condoms in her house, that would just fuckin’ throw me off. That’s just tacky.
Also wet sinks? What?
ELLE: Well, okay, I could see if she had a candy bowl full of them on the coffee table. But if she’s got a few in a drawer, wouldn’t that simply suggest she’s health-conscious?
W: I just think, like, if you’re into someone and you guys get to that level, then that’s something you should converse about together and say, “Hey, maybe we should get some.” Another pet peeve is wet sinks.
ELLE: Wet sinks?
W: Yeah, like a wet sink. You don’t wipe the sink after you use it? Dry it off! And if she’s got only dry toilet paper and no baby wipes next to the toilet. You ain’t got no baby wipes?
He sounds pretty much like a weird dude in general, like for example he never masturbated until he was 19:
ELLE: I have a pet theory about Fantasy Island—that it was created to provide, uh, bathroom fodder for 14-year-old boys.
W: I didn’t do that until I was 19.
So I guess there’s a lot going on with him. I mean, seriously, I don’t even know. Does he really expect to go shopping for protection like it is a house? Every time you have sex? How would you even find the time to do that with all the sink drying you’d have to be doing to keep happy? Gross. This from a guy whose seriously awful band has a song about chicks and their “lovely lady lumps.” I’ll just leave you with this visual:
W: Here’s proof on why people should have baby wipes. Get some chocolate, wipe it on a wooden floor, and then try to get it up with some dry towels. You’re going to get chocolate in the cracks. That’s why you gotta get them baby wipes.
If you follow me on twitter I promise never to mention chocolate and wooden floors again.