Mindy Kaling is the best, the very best. Right? If you don’t know (why? what is wrong with you?) Mindy Kaling plays Kelly Kapoor on The Office. She was originally hired as a writer and then cast as an actress because she is so talented and rad. She’s written a bunch of the best episodes of the show, she does these funny Subtle Sexuality videos with Ellie Kemper, and she hosted a breakfast at Book Expo America yesterday, where she was her usual funny self. Sample quote, from Publisher’s Weekly’s twitter: “In TV I work in rooms full of white men. It’s interesting to see where all the women went.”
Anyway, she has a book coming out called Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, and a nice long sample is now available. For whatever reason, I end up reading a lot of these kind of memoir essay book things by comedy people. Some are really good—turns out Tina Fey can write, who knew?—and some could have used more editing. I find a lot of the time, people who are extremely funny in a stand up/improv situation don’t translate so well to the page. “Yes and” doesn’t really work that well when it’s just one dude and computer, you know?
But based on the available bit, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? is going to be one of the really good ones. To swing this around vaguely into the realm of sex, which is ostensibly what I am supposed to be covering, here is a small excerpt from the chapter “Someone Explain One Night Stands to Me”:
These fears have made it so that when my female friends talk to me about one-night stands, I’m an incredibly irritating listener.
Excited Sexually-Liberated Friend: So, then it was like 2 a.m. that same night, and he knocked on my apartment door. I was in my robe and nothing else—
Me: No underwear?
Excited Sexually-Liberated Friend: No. I said “nothing else.”
Me (Skeptical): I feel like you were wearing underwear. That’s how you are in, like, repose?
Excited Sexually-Liberated Friend: Yes. So he knocked at the door—
Me: Wait! sorry. I’m just realizing: Your doorman let him up without ever seeing him before? Doesn’t that disturb you that your doorman would just let any old person off the
street up to your apartment? I would give my doorman a book of photos of accepted guests that he could reference—
Excited Sexually-Liberated Friend: I’m doing fine with my doorman.
Me: I would’ve established a different procedure.
Excited Sexually-Liberated Friend: Great, Mindy. And then I showed him around the place—
Me: The doorman? (off, annoyed look) The guy! The guy! Yes.
Excited Sexually-Liberated Friend: He was into the way I decorated it. Really taking it in.
Me: He was casing the joint!
Excited Sexually-Liberated Friend: No! He was not casing the joint. He was being sexy and sweet and making cute little jokes about family photos. And then he asked if he could see my bedroom—
Me: Your bedroom, so he could rape you!
Excited Sexually-Liberated Friend: No! He wasn’t trying to rape me. I was into it. So we go to my bedroom and he takes off his coat—
Me: and he had a tranquilizer syringe and tried to drug you and rape you and murder you like in Copycat!
My friend gets so irritated at my constant interruptions that she stops telling her sexy story, soon enough, after I’ve pointed out all the opportunities that could’ve resulted in her being killed.
Read the rest of the excerpt, if you like funny things that are also nice, and written by a woman who is not afraid to be into chick shit but also is not like only talking about weddings and skinny girl margaritas or whatever.
And hey, speaking of chick shit, why not follow me on Twitter?