Park Slope Psychopaths Poison Pigeons

06/23/2011 8:58 AM |

Welcome to Park Slope, mutherfucker!!
  • Welcome to Park Slope, mutherfucker!!

A lunatic calling his or herself “Pyrrhic Victory” has taken to the Internet to admit to poisoning pigeons in Park Slope. Posting to the Brooklynian forum, PV blames “the people who seem hell bent on trying to erase their life’s sins by feeding the nasty population of pigeons” for the birds’ large numbers in local J.J. Byrne Park. “I explained to them that they carry vile diseases,” he writes, “but this notion does not seem to sink in.” The pigeons poop on cars and stoops.

Well, talking has failed, so PV and his neighbors have taken matters into their own hands: they’re poisoning pigeons.

I and a few other residents have taken it upon ourselves to try and control the pigeon population by sprinkling rat poison in the park where the bird feeders usually spread their bread banquet. We hope to use the very bird feeders to dispense our poison. We understand the dangers of this tactic but we are willing to accept the collateral damage to the surrounding innocent wildlife. It is after all for the greater good. My neighbor Mike has also implemented a way to get rid of the pigeons from the trees by our building. He basically has constructed a few bird feeders that would hang from the trees that would dispense water laced with anti freeze. The results have been quite remarkable.

Later, after a poster asks “what the fuck is wrong with you?” PV continues:

What is wrong with me? Nothing! A better question is what is wrong with the people feeding these rats with wings. Do you think anyone wants to live in close proximity of these nasty creatures. I have been sprinkling poison among the bread crumbs for years and no one has ever said anything about it. My intentions is to rid the park of these winged rats in a humane manner. Even the poison I use is basically designed to kill the birds slowly so they actually die elsewhere. The poison is called “Tres Pasitos” and as my nanny told me it is designed to kill the rats where they sleep.

Guys, if you hate birds so much, just get a job with the department of agriculture. But seriously, aside from not knowing what humane means, the mention of “my nanny” starts to suggest that this is either a joke, on a par with the Jennifer McMillen thing, or that Park Slope has become so ridiculous that no one can tell the difference anymore.

[Fucked in Park Slope]

3 Comment

  • That’s assumiing their reports are real and not just feeding hungry for content gullible “journalists” like yourself

  • @softbomb yes, I acknowledged above that it’s possible those posts aren’t real. Maybe we’d have better “journalists” if we had better “readers”–you know, people who actually read what they respond to rather than just skim headlines. (or who prooofreeaad theeiir oown coommeents)

  • God Damn Pigeons!!!!! Im going to go feed them all Drano Sandwiches