The Music of Chance via Netflix and Dicks

07/03/2011 5:56 PM |

For those of you planning to enjoy the great outdoors this holiday by staying inside watching movies (which is not necessarily a bad idea), please heed this brief note of caution: 

Netflix can and will mislead you.

Hyperbole, yes. Kidding, sure. But for a bit of coincidental humor, riddle this:


As one can see in the screen shot provided, the Netflix description of Mimic makes it seem rather promising. The expression “cinematic kissing cousin,” for example, is almost arresting—as well as almost indirectly incest-suggestive—and you’re promised an action-packed trifecta of diseases, cockroaches and sewers. Sounds just like New York City!

Wait, it’s SET in New York City! Even better! AND it’s directed by Guillermo del Toro! So it MUST be (read: could be) good!

But something tells me that the character played by Mira Sorvino is an entomologist rather than an “etymologist,” unless the way in which she “eradicates” all those “lethal” insects is by impressing them to death with abstruse word roots.

Wait, “eradicates” with word “roots”! That actually works! (N.B.: radica actually means “root”.)

Anyway, Netflix solecism. Ha ha. Big deal. 

BUT, after taking a screenshot of the “hilarious” mistake, I realized that one of the tabs I still had open from yesterday was related to, as you can see, a “singing penis.” Funny already? Probably. What is also funny is that that article pertains, like Mimic, to entomology. So if you’re now curious about how tiny aquatic insects known as “lesser water boatmen” are able to make a great deal of noise with their penile whammy bars, or why “stridulation” might well become a new fetish (if it’s not one already), see here.

Does the discussion of stridulating organisms bring to mind something along the lines of Lead Singer Disease? If it doesn’t yet, you might consider having a look at this rather amusing assessment of Steven Tyler’s new book in the New York Times Book Review. The last three paragraphs are particularly apropos.

So, well, spend the weekend outside or indoors watching movies. Celebrate the holiday break and its fair weather howsoever you wish.

But if you do get bored, try killing roaches with word roots or rubbing yourself silly until you emit “Dream On” by Aerosmith.

It’s the United States of America, after all. You can do whatever the fuck you want, etc. You can even pledge your allegiance to Alien Visitor, for example. With that buxom silhouette amid galactic fireworks, it must indeed be stellar.

To that note of stars I’ll add stripes. Have a dreamy, happy Fourth of July!