What Your Anti-Gay Marriage Poster Says About You

07/25/2011 1:09 PM |

1.The Bible Quote:

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Favored by:
Guys with their sunglasses on cords. Old people.
What you are saying:
“Well, no, I haven’t read the ENTIRE bible. Have you seen that thing? It’s like a thousand pages or something. Leviticus what? You can’t cut your beard? Are you sure that’s in there? Really?”

2. Let the People Vote:

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Favored by:
Frowny-face ladies. Fans of American flag fonts.
What you are saying:
“I do not believe in Quinnipiac polls. They are like evolution: made up by liberals to confuse people. I think it is likely that these Republican politicians stuck their necks out for marriage equality without being sure that voters supported it because they are dumb I guess? I wish we could have chosen a cooler day for our protest.”

3. Marrying Animals:

dog_guy.jpg

Favored by:
Dudes who own large stuffed dogs, for absolutely no weird reason at all. Normal guys! With life-sized dog stuffed animals. What?
What you are saying:
“You mean your mind doesn’t immediately jump to your dog, whenever you hear about anyone getting married? Huh. They are man’s best friend, though. I don’t think it’s strange to imagine building a life together, just you and your best friend. You don’t ever just look into your dog’s sweet, trusting eyes and get lost for a minute? Okay. Well, let’s agree to disagree, except about gay marriage, which is clearly wrong.”

4. Clever Math Wordplay:

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Favored by:
People who never regret applying bumper stickers. Fans of t-shirts sold on the Wildwood boardwalk.
What you are saying:
“I love puns! But I don’t fully understand how they work! Wordplay!”

5. Westboro Baptist Church:

westboro_baptist.jpg

Favored by:
Members of the Westboro Baptist Church
What you are saying:
“Hey, other seemingly reasonable people at this protest. You are standing next to a person holding a sign that says ‘Thank God for 9/11′ and you are agreeing with their stance on things. Maybe it is time to re-think your position?”