Congratulations to Staten Island, a land mass that first emerged from the sea 350 years ago to greet a haloed collective of Dutch, French, and Belgian settlers, all blessed by the glory of god. Mayor Bloomberg will pay what is probably a rare visit to celebrate the oft-maligned borough’s 350th birthday. (Apparently you can get there by crossing this bridge?)
Scientists postulate that before the settlers arrived, the island was ruled by plesiosaurs and aliens, which the settlers appeased with offerings of home-made beads and syphilis. Centuries later, Staten Island can not only celebrate its birthday, but also its apparently top-noth beaches and the continued genius of Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, likely the only Staten Islander of whom anyone has heard.
Well, and the Wu-Tang Clan. Are they still looking for interns? And do they offer stipends for that $13 toll?