Meatpacking District’s Boob-Like Bollards Getting the Boot

08/09/2011 4:06 PM |

Get your minds out of the gutter, street furniture designers!

  • Get your minds out of the gutter, street furniture designers!

Manhattan’s Meatpacking District, a neighborhood once known for the very different types of meat available there by day and night, has become revolted with even the most vaguely evocative insinuation of flesh, or so one must deduct from news that the suggestively shaped bollards in the cobblestoned plazas around Ninth Avenue and West 13th Street are being remove because they too closely resemble a part of the female anatomy.

Or perhaps the Meatpacking District Improvement Association is having the three-year-old orbs (and other street furniture installed at the time) removed because they’re not being maintained properly and have become grassy and trashy. In any case the boobs are coming out, er… being put away? (So many breast metaphors to mix, so little time!) Matt DeMatt, owner of the Gaslight Lounge on the southwest corner of Ninth Avenue and 14th Street, tells the Post: “They’re the breasts. They just sit out there and do nothing.”

In other words they’re being removed for being uninteresting. If they shot laser beams, rolled around or gave lectures on feminist sculpture, perhaps, the local business district would be less adamant about having them removed and a new plaza design implemented at a cost of $500,000. Member businesses of the Meatpacking District Improvement Association and the city will split that tab, and a new, less sexual but more sexy design by MoMA rooftop garden designer Ken Smith will be installed in the breasts’ stead, leaving only a thousand other places for area voyeurs to get their rocks off.