Things Other Than Sex and the CityThat We Could Put on the TV

08/18/2011 11:20 AM |

No. Enough already.
  • No. Enough already.

Everybody is talking about how Sex and the City is maybe going to come back. As a prequel? Or just with a new cast? Listen. I know a lot of people like that show. I understand that the nails on a chalkboard effect it has on me is not universal. We can agree to disagree! But let us also agree that that show has had a fair run! Six seasons and two movies, that seems to me like a good life for a show. Maybe we could let something else be on TV now? There are infinity other shows that could exist. Here are ten things just off the top of my head. Network executives or whoever (I’m not from TV), you can have my ideas for free even, if you promise not to bring back that show.

1. Sex and the Settee. A bodice-ripper period piece about old timey people having sex on a couch. Downton Abbey meets those books that Fabio is on the cover of.

2. Six and the City. A gritty drama exploring the high stakes, big money real estate game. Jenna von Oy’s character from Blossom has grown up, gone to architecture school, and gotten a job at a high-powered New York developer’s office. Will Six be able to keep her integrity as she claws her way to the top? Or will she follow in her corrupt boss’s footsteps, doing what it takes to make the deals? Either way, it will be sexy (probably?).

3. Seven of Nine and the City. A little Borg in the big city. Patrick Stewart to guest?

4. Baboonz!. A series based on that video of baby baboons eating cupcakes. Awww!

5. Spaced. You don’t even have to re-make it for an American audience or anything. It’s just a good show. I would totally watch it right now.

6. As You Like It. Shakespeare’s play adapted to a tween soap opera. Rose is causing trouble for her wealthy uncle/guardian in New York, so he sends her and her cousin to live with other family in small-town Iowa. Will they find love amongst the hunky but unsophisticated Iowans? (yes.) The “like” in the title is shaped like the Facebook “like” button, obviously.

7. Salad Gold. A reality show about those salad places where you can pick five toppings plus one meat and a dressing. Tagline: “You pick it. They toss it.”

8. Foottight. The story of Bomont, a small farm town where rock music and dancing are outlawed, and nobody really cares all that much but probably it is still sort of annoying. Instead of dancing, everybody mostly focuses on football. A more religious Friday Night Lights.

9. Our Crazy L.A.M.B.ily. Doesn’t it seem like Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale and their weird-named kids should have a show? Yes.

10. Deadwood. If you’re just making more of shows that already existed, make more Deadwood. There could always be more Deadwood. Fuck history. Find a way.

I’m on Twitter at @natchredhead, if anyone’s interested.