None of These Are Punk: The 8 Most Poorly Appropriated “Retro” Band Shirts Currently on Sale This Holiday Season

11/30/2011 2:41 PM |

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As the culture enthusiasts at Vol. 1 Brooklyn pointed out this morning, Forever 21 is selling a Flipper t-shirt re-branded for that guy with the toned arms and healthy skin complexion at the top of this post. “Once upon a time it was a punk shirt,” Vol. 1 mourns, referencing the San Fransisco band whose logo it copies. “Kurt Cobain made one with a marker and wore it on Saturday Night Live in 1992. ” (He wore it a lot, actually.) But it’s all good, you see, because it’s a throwback and shoppers at Forever 21 will want to buy it for $16.90, and maybe some people will buy it thinking it’s a joke on the kids TV show with the friendly dolphin, which would be great for business, wouldn’t it, hahaha, says a hypothetical Forever 21 businessman. Faux-vintage apparel is very popular these days. Here’s our guide to the items which most drastically disregard what the band actually stood for; it mutually functions as a guide to what not to buy the music nerds in your life this holiday season.

KISS Tee, $24.50, dELiAs
I think we can all agree this girl probably isn’t a huge KISS fan.

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Ray Charles Graphic Tee, $15.80, Forever 21
The older the guy on your shirt, the hotter you look in it.

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Classic Nirvana Tee, $17.80, Forever 21
It’s cool everyone, it’s an officially licensed product. Frances Bean gets a $1 for every shirt bought.*

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Sublime Tee, $24.50, dELiAs
“Mom, can I get this belly shirt, pleeeease? The singer overdosed on heroin!”**

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Beatles Uneven Hem Tee, $15.80, Forever 21
Uneven hem = authenticity

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Muddy Waters Crop Tee, $15.80, Forever 21
“Hey Tom, you don’t suppose if we cut off the bottom of this Muddy Waters shirt we could sell it, do you?”

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The Clash Swing Muscle Tee, $49, Urban Outfitters
This one will cost you $49 — Joe Strummer would’ve loved that.

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Metallica Distressed Muscle Tank Top, $39, Urban Outfitters
Meet the world’s biggest Metallica fan, undoubtedly distressed by Lulu.

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Now this is more like it… $24.50, dELiAs

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*I just made up that part about Frances Bean.
**Sorry, that’s not really funny.
***I’d be remiss if I didn’t admit to shopping at all three of these stores and owning a retro-style Beatles t-shirt, though its hem is perfectly even.

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