Are Blowjobs Giving You Mouth Cancer?

01/24/2012 12:42 PM |

Pretty, maybe going to give you cancer.
  • Pretty, maybe going to give you cancer.

Maybe?

“The epidemiology is perplexing,” he says. “The assumption, when we noticed the trend eight or nine years ago, was that this was a sexually transmitted disease due to more oral sex,” he says. “But at least at Georgetown, we have patients in their 80s with this kind of cancer,” he notes. “That raises questions about the sexual habits of Americans who are older, or about HPV.”

It’s cute that they think a jump in cancer rates in older people is evidence against HPV causing these mouth and throat cancers. Oral wasn’t invented in the 1990s, you guys. Don’t be mad that your Nana may be giving excellent head. We’re all humans, after all.

The latency period between initial HPV infection and cancer can last decades, confirms Dr. Maura L. Gillison, an oncologist and professor at Ohio State who has published seminal findings on HPV and cancer. Her group carried out a case control study, reported in the New England Journal of Medicine, revealing that individuals who’ve had more vaginal and oral sex partners in their lifetime have a higher risk of developing oropharyngeal cancer, and that HPV-16 infection correlates with this cancer type.

It’s pretty dispiriting to think that your genitals are basically a vector for cancer, and whenever you are enjoying rubbing them on a person you may be increasing that person’s risk of getting a terrible disease. That’s some G.G. Allin shit right there. In any case, it’s completely stupid that we’re still dithering about vaccinating everyone against HPV regardless of their gender.

“We’ve identified a new cause of a cancer that was previously unrecognized in a group of people that are largely men who are not getting vaccinated for HPV at the moment,” Gillison says. “As someone who practices evidence-based medicine, I’m not comfortable assuming it would work.” But there’s no adequate trial ongoing, she says. “It’s ridiculous that we’re not willing to look at whether a vaccine works. That’s the best approach to change the incidence of this cancer.”

Deeken also supports a primary prevention, by vaccination of young people against HPV. “Hopefully in decades ahead, teenagers who are getting vaccinated now will not be developing oropharyngeal cancer,” he says. “But that will be hard to prove, and it will take a long time.”

Right, it might not help but it might! And it won’t hurt! But apparently vaccines are too scary and might make kids have more sex, or something. I don’t even know any more.