If you think a Friday evening at the MoMA verges on the intolerable, prepare to redefine your notion of personal space in the museum for the week of April 10. Fabled, worshiped electronic music demi-gods Kraftwerk will be keeping an eight day residency then, playing an album per night. As a result, electronic music geeks everywhere just shit their pants.
Plenty of people right now must be paralyzed, staring into their computer screens, rubbing their eyes and wiping drool off their lips, but we’ve come up with a list of seven ways to responsibly prepare for this once-in-a-lifetime event.
1) Invest in a plastic light-up menorah. If you attend each of the eight nights, you can use one of these handy tools to count off the days. More importantly, you can plug it in and prop it on the window sill, which should get you some, “Hey, you know Hanukkah is over, right?” questions from your neighbors. To this you can respond in the script you’ve been preparing in your head about how the Kraftwerk Retrospective at the MoMA is the only religious holiday with which you identify. Or maybe just, “Wir fahr’n fahr’n fahr’n auf der Autobahn,” smile, and walk away.
3) Make your own robot costume. Do you want to be the fly-est of them all at the Kraftwerk ball? Demonstrate your enthusiasm with conviction by dressing up like the band’s famous robot avatars.
4) Splurge on the German version of Rosetta Stone. It might be expensive, but after you spend the next month diligently learning the days of the week and names of vegetables, maybe you’ll be able to understand their early lyrics a little better. Wunderbar.
5) Find a chiropractor and enter him into your phone on speed dial. That, or a really dextrous friend. After eight days of constant neck bobbing, you’re going to need some deep-muscle TLC.
6) Download the Kraftwerk app, and nerd out to your heart’s content. Stop at the point at which you are tempted to ask your friends to call you “Wolfgang,” “Ralf” or “Fritz.”
7) Watch this Portlandia skit. When Carrie Brownstein says, “Let’s talk about Neu,” (around the two minute mark) stand up and give her a long series of slow claps.
You can follow Sydney Brownstone on Twitter @sydbrownstone