It’s been nearly a month since the last new episode of 2 Broke Girls, and during the break, Max and Caroline have learned a lot. JK. They’ve learned absolutely nothing, and the show’s actually more terrible now that it’s ever been. In last night’s episode, “And the Blind Spot,” we were treated to an endless array of double entendre, pointless pop culture references, plots that went nowhere, a naked guy almost dying, Jennifer Coolidge making out with the naked guy who almost died, toilet jokes, and Earl talking about how he’s 75 years old and can’t wipe his ass anymore because he doesn’t have enough time, or something. Today’s edition has double the quotes for a doubly bad episode. How bad is doubly bad? 2 Broke Girls-bad.
#10. “I know he’s still alive, because his manhood’s knocking on my lady door.”
And we’re off!
#9. “I work hard to build Sophie’s Choice.”
Can we all agree to never make a Sophie’s Choice joke ever again? It’s not that it’s morally offensive—it’s just offensively lazy, like when no one’s answering an question and the asker quips “Bueller… Bueller… Bueller.” Either get a new pop culture reference, or think of something original.
#8. “This is silly. If I’m going to suck on something this hard and get no pleasure out of it, I should just date.”
I bet Michael Patrick King wrote that line for Samantha on Sex and the City, but just couldn’t find the right time to use it.
#7. “Free model penis is my reward for being tied to a rock like you.”
Damn! I was going to use that on my tombstone. Thanks, 2 Broke Girls…
#6. “I’d like to Gisele on your Bundchens.”
Bundchens doesn’t really even sound like the body part I think he was referring to, does it?
#5. “And for the record, in 2009 when Katy Perry kissed a girl and liked it, I kissed one and didn’t.”
I get that reference! I’m glad Caroline added the “in 2009” part, too, because otherwise, I would have no idea what she was talking about.
#4. “When I was six years old, working in Polish knock-off of McDonalds in Warsaw, I fell on hot McStick.”
“How did you fall on a hot stick?”
“Not a stick that is hot, but a hot McStick! It’s meat on a stick and it’s very popular, they only have it like two times a year. It’s like McRib.”
Yes, because meat on a stick is just unheard of here in New York. There’s also no punchline to this lengthy bit of conversation; it just ends with the name of a food that actually exists.
#3. This isn’t a quote, but I’d like to point out the outfit Caroline cleans in:
#2/#1. “If we’re staying, that’s three times the amount of man, we should get double the money.” …and… “I know what this is: this is Pick on the Rich Girl. It’s a poverty smack down.”
Caroline is a terrible person. First she wants extra money to clean a guy’s apartment because he’s overweight, even though his domicile is already pretty spotless. Then, after she flushes an entire roll of paper towels down his toilet, which of course makes it overflow (Smurf pee jokes!), she thinks Max and Sophie are picking on her lack of cleaning skillz because she was rich. God, aren’t the poor just the WORST?