Just remember: it’s only a few more days until Girls premieres on HBO. Until then, the worst moments from last night’s “And the Drug Money.”
#5. “Quiet: you’re going to wake up Pissy Spacek.”
At least they didn’t go with Martin van Urine or Fyvush Tinkle?
#4. “Look at that: dogs in a diner. Where are we? Paris? ‘Cause if we are, I’m going to stop wearing deodorant.”
That’s Stereotypes 101, the kind of thing you say in middle school when teasing Pierre on the playground before learning better. Earl probably followed that zinger with something about frogs wearing berets, but producers thought that might be going overboard.
#3. “I would never do that. I consider my body a temple.”
PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE DON’T SAY THAT. I’m surprised that later in the episode, Max didn’t jump into a car and yell, “Follow that cab!” while simultaneously eating Chinese food from a white cardboard container and ending a phone call without saying, “Goodbye.” And then everyone gets locked in a bank vault.
#2. When discussing a deposition about her father: “They’re only asking me details about things I know nothing about. And they’re not interested in the things I do know about him, that he’s warm and funny and generous and loving.”
Even more than piss-name puns, the thing that bugs me the most about 2 Broke Girls is its insistence that Caroline’s money-stealing father is a good guy. That’s is like saying Bernie Madoff wasn’t TOTALLY evil because he once tipped a doorman $5. And hey, I hear that Hitler guy liked puppies. Only good people like puppies! (If 2 Broke Girls isn’t going to mention Hitler, I will.)
#1. “Is your ass leaking right now?”
No, but my ears are bleeding.