Everything About This Article on “Breastaurants” is Perfect

06/25/2012 11:47 AM |

Of course they serve chicken caesar salad!
  • Of course they serve chicken caesar salad!

Today, for your reading pleasure, I would like to present this Daily News story entitled “Rise of the Breastaurants.” It is wonderful. Within, we learn that there is a breastaurant called the Tilted Kilt, and it is not your father’s breastaurant:

“The younger crowds want to go to a newer place, not where mom and dad took them,” says Darren Tristano, an analyst at Technomic.

“C’mon kids, everybody in the car, we’re going to Hooters!”—nobody’s parents. I understand that, all things considered, there’s really nothing inappropriate for children there, but weren’t the only food options beer and chicken wings?

In any case, at today’s hip new breastaurants, they serve something called “Irish nachos.” I think it’s just tater skins? But maybe tater skins are a “mom and dad” food now? And the younger crowds demand to eat something that sounds far more disgusting?

Lynette Marmolejo, a college admissions worker, dropped in at the Tilted Kilt for the first time recently. She likes that the restaurant is dominated by the “corporate crowd” rather than the “college crowd.” And she says the half-dressed waitresses don’t bother her.

Oh, Lynette. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard the description “corporate crowd” used as a compliment. Where do you live, Lynette? Why don’t you move away from there?

Tilted Kilt doesn’t go so far to call itself a family restaurant. But Lynch understands the risks of crossing a certain line.

“We want to be very PG-13,” he says. Its “class in all things” motto also means servers can’t have tattoos, piercings or dyed hair.

Ha ha ha! Dyed hair! So THAT’s why the Motion Picture Association of America gave me an R. I thought it was all the swearing!

As for the tank tops and shorts the waitresses wear, Ahmad says they don’t reveal too much. And those photos on the Mugs N Jugs website showing waitresses leaning over a pool table? Ahmad explains they are purely for marketing purposes.

“They’re at an angle because they’re at a pool table,” he says. “When you’re in the restaurant, you won’t see that. She’ll be standing.”

DON’T WORRY THEY WILL BE STANDING WHEN THEY TAKE YOUR ORDER. Mr. Mugs N Jugs, thank you for the clarification. I now feel confident that I understand the Mugs N Jugs experience.

Finally, pity the poor lady from NOW who had to put on a straight face and give a quote for this ridiculous article:

No matter how hard they try to open their doors to a broader audience, Hooters and its rivals remain the subject of criticism. “If it’s an adult entertainment business, that’s fine,” says Mona Lisa Wallace, president of the San Francisco chapter of the National Organization for Women. “Where they’re crossing the line is when they expose young children to the objectification of women.”

Don’t worry, Mona Lisa, we’ll go for some mugs and some jugs and some Irish Nachos and forget all about this whole thing.