The 25 Best Cannibal Cop Headlines

10/26/2012 11:37 AM |


Yesterday, when news broke that a police officer had plotted to abduct, cook, and eat up to 100 women, New Yorkers everywhere wondered, “how does something so horrible happen?” “I wonder what the headlines on the Post and Daily News will be tomorrow?” And then a nanny went and stabbed two small children. Cannibal cop didn’t even warrant a mention on the Newsfront page; he got a small mention at the very bottom of the Post‘s. But, you know, if one terrible thing happened per day in New York, here’s a smattering of the Internet’s best ideas for headlines, culled from New York magazine,, Gothamist, and their comment sections, as well as some reporter friends on Facebook.

+ Cook ‘Em, Danno
+ Grinders Full of Women
+ Stop and Bisque
+ Stop and Fricassee
+ To Prepare and Serve
+ To Parboil and Serve
+ To Serve and Digest
+ Gnaw and Order
+ Law & Order: BBQ
+ Law & Order Up!
+ Chef of Police
+ NYPD Ew!
+ NYPD Chew
+ NYPD Stew
+ NYPDeeelicious
+ New York’s Finest Young Cannibal
+ Don’t Taste Me, Bro!
+ Don’t Braise Me, Bro!
+ Cop’s Braisin’ Plot
+ Steak Out
+ Meat Head
+ Murder in the Wurst Degree
+ You Have the Right to Remain Soylent
+ Gruel and Unusual Punishment
+ Pig Roast

Follow Henry Stewart on Twitter @henrycstewart

One Comment