The War on Men: Fox News Investigates

11/26/2012 3:38 PM |

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Someday we’ll all remember where we were when the war on men started. I don’t mean the build-up to the war on men—otherwise known as the feminist movement—I mean the actual pitched battles being fought by the sexes as they struggle with one another for dominance, for what each side believes is rightfully theirs. The opening shot was sounded today by Suzanne Venker when she posted an article on Foxnews.com entitled “The war on men.” [sic] What about the war on capitalization, Suzanne? What about that?

Apparently, capitalization of titles is just one of the casualties in this epic struggle. But no matter, we have more important things to focus on. Namely, why don’t men like women anymore? What did women do to fuck up the sweet deal that they’ve had for centuries? You know. The one where women didn’t have the right to vote until less than a hundred years ago. The one where women still don’t make anything like equal pay for doing an equal amount of work. The one where women are expected to take on all of the household chores and childcare responsibilities and look the other way while men have as much freedom as they want. THAT SWEET DEAL.

How does Venker know that men don’t like women any more and that it’s all women’s fault? I’m glad you asked. Apparently, Venker wanted to know why it is exactly that “the share of women ages eighteen to thirty-four that say having a successful marriage is one of the most important things in their lives rose nine percentage points since 1997 — from 28 percent to 37 percent. For men, the opposite occurred. The share voicing this opinion dropped, from 35 percent to 29 percent.” Now, there are different ways to interpret this data. Some people might interpret it to mean that, for men, there are other priorities in life, priorities like building a successful career. It doesn’t necessarily have to mean that men just hate the idea of marriage because modern women are totally unfuckable harpies. But, according to Venker, that is pretty much exactly what it means.

Venker writes, “Believe it or not, modern women want to get married. Trouble is, men don’t.” She knows this because she’s been talking with “hundreds, if not thousands, of men and women. And in doing so, [she's] accidentally stumbled upon a subculture of men who’ve told [her], in no uncertain terms, that they’re never getting married. When [she] ask them why, the answer is always the same. Women aren’t women anymore.

They’re not? What are they???

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