Girls Recap: You Destroyed My Heart. Thanks.

01/21/2013 9:30 AM |

Not creepy at all.

  • Not creepy at all.

Here’s something about being involved with someone much older than you. You might think that they are very open and understanding, and maybe they are in many ways, but also, they tend to be extremely sensitive and need a level of faithfulness that callous, younger people just can’t fully understand. Maybe this inclination toward loyalty is why so many older people stick with Hotmail? Unclear at this time. But what I’m trying to say is that Elijah’s much-older boyfriend, George, breaks up with him because Elijah had sex with Marnie. And even though it was “like three pumps, two-and-a-half pumps” before he lost his boner, it’s too late. George tells Elijah, “I don’t want to be with someone who’s confused. I thought you knew what you wanted.” George leaves. Plaintive guitar strumming ensues.

From where, exactly, is that plaintive guitar strumming coming? Well, it’s coming from Adam. He sent Hannah a video of himself singing, shirtless, in front of a wall of tools. The lyrics are pretty creepy but not, in my opinion, uninteresting—You destroyed my heart. Thanks. Elijah and Hannah watch until they can’t watch anymore and Elijah shuts the Mac, silencing Adam and his maybe “murder-y” singing. Elijah laments the fact that at least Hannah is “still speaking to Adam” whereas George won’t return Elijah’s texts or Facebook messages. Hannah doesn’t understand why, and Elijah is not about to tell her about fucking Marnie because, as he later so aptly explains, “Hannah is thin-skinned like a little baby.” There is absolutely no way that Hannah wouldn’t make Elijah and Marnie’s hookup about her. Hannah is so thin-skinned that she needs to wear an orange, hooded sleeping bag—and maybe even a diaper?—to protect herself because, true story, she is “just a sad, limp little glow worm.”

Marnie is on a job interview. And while she is not wearing a diaper, she is wearing something almost as embarrassing—an Ann Taylor suit. The gallery owner is played by Lena Dunham’s mother, Laurie Simmons. You might not be aware of this, but Lena Dunham’s mother is a famous artist, which is most of the reason why Lena Dunham is successful, because having clout in the New York City art world in an essential part of television success. But anyway, Marnie does not get the job. Partly because of the Ann Taylor suit, partly because Marnie is from Montclair, partly because the gallery owner is cranky from a juice cleanse, maybe. Whatever the reasons, Marnie is told that she probably doesn’t belong in the art world and also maybe doesn’t even really belong anywhere, because she is kind of the worst.

Is there anything that’s more indicative of a totally healthy relationship than brushing your teeth side by side? Probably, yes. Does it include explicitly stating that you “really like having sex” with the other person? Ok. Sure it does. Hannah and Sandy are clearly going to last forever. True love. Except for that pesky little situation where Sandy is a Republican and also hasn’t read the essay that Hannah sent him. That’s not good at all. If you really like someone, you devour what they give to you. If it’s an essay or a poem or a drawing or a song, you inhale it because you need to. And if you don’t like what they do? Then it’s over before it really started. There’s a lesson from me to you. So now that’s two lessons that I’ve imparted in Girls recaps (the other, from the first recap, being “Don’t sleep with your boss”) and I feel pretty good about this whole endeavor.