I guess this isn’t any more surprising than Howard Stern making dickish comments about Lena Dunham for being a “little fat chick,” but it is still horrible. Ann Coulter—who is really just a professional troll, except that trolls are cute and cuddly and have hair that doesn’t look as processed as Coulter’s does—was on Sean Hannity’s show Monday morning talking about gun violence in America and said, “If you compare white populations, we have the same murder rate as Belgium. So perhaps it is not a gun problem, it is a demographic problem.” Oh, I see. A “demographic problem.” I mean, I’m sure that some of Coulter’s best friends are demographics. Maybe she’s even dated a demographic? Well, no, probably not that. But also, Ann Coulter hates demographics because they prevent America from being like Belgium. And Ann Coulter really, really wants America to be like Belgium.
But how can we be more like Belgium? This is something I—a noted Belgium-aficionado—have always wanted to know anyway. Except, no, I haven’t. That was a lie. There are no noted Belgium-aficionados except Ann Coulter. I guess, to Coulter, the simple answer would be to change the demographics. You know, just kick the demographics out of the country and let America be an all-white paradise like it always has been, since the beginning of time. Because white people never kill anyone with guns. I mean, put aside the horrific tragedies in Newtown, in Aurora, and in Arizona, at the Gabby Giffords event. Those don’t really count. Those sorts of things happen in Belgium all the time. That’s the price we pay for getting to rid ourselves of those pesky demographics.
The whole reason Ann Coulter even brought Belgium into the equation is because she just returned from England and is stunned that so many Americans want to give up their God-given right to own assault rifles. A lot of Americans who are in favor of gun control point to Europe as an example of a place where guns are basically banned and where there is a very low murder rate. Now, a lot of people think that the low murder rates might have something to do with the fact that there are fewer guns available to murder people with. Ann Coulter wants you to know that those people are wrong. The problem is all the demographics with guns.