As is so often the case with freelance bloggers who write about their own drug-fueled exploits, Hannah has a book deal! Well, an ebook deal, which doesn’t seem to have any contract or advance involved. But still! An editor played by John Cameron Mitchell has taken Hannah out for a meal—which, fancy—in order to ask her to write a book for him as sort of a high-low lit-world situation. Does Hannah know what “high-low” means? Sure, she says, “like Target.” But in fact, Hannah will not be a high-end person slumming as in “Toni Morrison doing Target”, she will instead be the “low-end” part of the deal and bring her own viewpoint to the “lost generation” she’s a part of. So, wait. Hannah is actually going to be the voice of her generation? Just like she told her parents she would be wayyyyy back in the first episode of Girls ever? What a coincidence. Anyway, Hannah is told she has to write this whole book in a month, but she shouldn’t worry because John Cameron Mitchell assures her, “You’re my new protegée.” Which, being John Cameron Mitchell’s protegée is all I’ve personally wanted since I saw Hedwig and the Angry Inch at the Jane Street Theater when I was 16. Much like I would have done at 16 though when presented with such an overwhelming offer, Hannah leaves the meeting and promptly throws up.
And now, after seeing Hannah throw up, we get to see a whole lot of Booth Jonathan as he lies in bed with Marnie who is avoiding Hannah’s texts. Marnie dismisses the fact that Hannah claims to have important news by saying that it’s probably a “new blog post or a really great hot dog she had.” Marnie really managed to insult both Hannah’s writing and her weight in just one sentence. Nicely done. Booth understandably asks Marnie, “Are you even friends? Why do you hang out with her still?” Marnie says something about it being “engrained,” which is sad. I mean, friendships end and Hannah and Marnie never seemed to really like each other all that much, but they don’t really have anybody else. These are really sad young women who don’t understand that there isn’t a never-ending well of people you’re going to meet and that if you have a solid friendship, it’s worth nurturing. Well, I kind of take that back. In life, there is kind of a never-ending well of people you meet, but when you’re as awful as Hannah and Marnie are to their friends, that well dries up pretty quickly. Anyway, also what happens in this scene is that Booth fires his assistant because she ate some of his food and asks Marnie if she’ll “hostess” the party he’s having that night. Marnie says yes because she thinks it means he loves her, but then Marnie is kind of an idiot. Before watching this show, I had no idea so many people of below-average intelligence went to Oberlin. Except Jessa, of course. She’s smart.
So, we’re at Grumpy’s where we see the real star of this episode—Ray. Shoshanna is trying to convince Ray to take classes at The Learning Annex, which are taught by Donald Trump. Shosh tries to convince Ray by saying, “This class gives people the tools that they need to be as happy as possible every single day of their life.” To which Ray logically responds, “Why would I want that?” You see, Donald Trump can’t make Ray happy. Donald Trump probably can’t make anyone happy, but definitely not Ray. Ray is not doing so well.
He does, however, have the best line of the episode when he congratulates Hannah on her book deal and says he’s impressed by her ambition because, “Usually when people say they want to be writers all they want to do is eat and masturbate.” So true. He then asks Hannah for his copy of “Little Women” back because his godmother gave it to him and she always writes notes in the back which pertain to him and what she thinks his relationship with the book at hand is. And this makes me wonder about Ray’s background, that he has such a wonderful, caring godmother that she would do that. What I mean to say is, Ray has someone who loves him in a real and helpful way. Why is Ray so damaged? Why doesn’t he have any ambitions? What happened to his band? It really is a shame about Ray.
Anyway, Shoshanna doesn’t get how sweet and thoughtful this is and just asks, “How exactly does your godmother think that ‘Little Women’ relates to your shit? Like does she think you’re a Marmee or an Amy?” (Which, sidenote: I just found out that “Marmee” should be pronounced “Mommy” but that since Louisa May Alcott was from Massachussets and they talk funny, they knew not to pronounce the “r.” Fascinating, right? Changes everything, right? Anyway.) The book is at Adam’s, so Ray is advised to “be a man” and go get it. Also, Shoshanna think that Ray is probably “The dad who dies from influenza during the war.” Which is actually not at all what happens, but whatever. I might not have known before Girls that people who went to Oberlin were of below-average intelligence, but I already knew that about people who go to NYU.