Horoscope: 2/22/13


We thought Läps had left us. We started to cry. But we were wrong to cry. We were wrong. We walked around the back of the house and saw him standing by a grove of trees, skinning a bear. His sleeves were rolled up and his hands were moving under the bearskin, guiding the point of the knife, separating the fur from the flesh. “Did you kill it?” we asked. “You girls make me want to eat meat,” he answered, which wasn’t really an answer. “But haven’t you always eaten meat?” we asked. “Yes,” he said. “But now I want to eat more.” He removed his hands from inside the bear. They were wet with blood. “Why don’t I wash up and we can go watch a movie?” We didn’t say anything, just followed him inside.

Pisces Feb 19-Mar 20

We’re trying to see you Pisces—trying to see your face—but all we’re getting is the back of your head. A sleek black cap of hair, we want to put our hands on it. Mess it up a little. Tell us something, Pisces, why don’t you want to be seen? Is it because you want something no one can give? Are you afraid of disappointment? Even if you’re rejected, it’s not the end of the world. Turn around and let us see your face.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 19

People have always given you things, haven’t they? All you’ve ever needed to do is ask. But what will happen when they stop? What will happen when you need two thousand francs and no one is there to give it to you? Just help the man find his jazz album, Aries. Everything will turn out the only way it can.

Taurus Apr 20-May 20

Have you ever thought about shaving your head, Taurus? And what are your feelings on martyrdom? Is life just a struggle for you with the only salvation being your demise? We think sometimes you feel this way. Sometimes you lift your face up to the sky and the tears pour down. You aren’t crying alone. We are right here with you.

Gemini May 21-Jun 21

There is always someone else to blame, isn’t there Gemini? There is always a reason that you do the things you do. Someday you’ll end up being questioned and the police will make you spell your name because your name is a hard one to spell correctly and you’ll spell it and explain everything and they’ll let you go. Secretly, though, you’ll wish they locked you up so you could be safe.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22

They say that the first time is the hardest, but we don’t think that’s true. The first time is easy because you can pretend it’s a one time thing. It’s every time after that. Things get harder. A very true thing, Cancer, is that we are what we pretend to be. Kurt Vonnegut said that, or close to it, in “Mother Night.” We know you’re not pretending to be a Nazi propagandist, but still. Be careful.

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22

It would be so simple to sit and drink white wine in the afternoon and smoke cigarette after cigarette and watch the man-who-makes-you-think-of-a-wolf play pinball and pretend that this is all your life is. But the shots ring out and you need to slip away and guns are bad and violence is terrible and blood is messy but at least those things serve a purpose. They let you know that nothing is as it seems to be.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 22

When we were little we tried to make our handwriting look like we were little French girls even though we aren’t at all. We think that handwriting is a lost art. You should do more things with your hands, Virgo. Write letters. Knead bread. Hold the person you love in your hands and bring them close to you. Don’t forget how to use your hands.

Libra Sep 23-Oct 22

Have you ever tried to check into a hotel for a few hours, but they made you stay overnight? Rules like that are stifling, aren’t they? Rules of any kind are stifling. It can be hard to breathe under the best of circumstances but when you feel like you’re being watched, when you feel like you’re being smothered, it becomes almost impossible. But maybe the answer is to hold your breath and give in to the rules so that they start to do the work of breathing for you. It’s artificial, but isn’t everything?

Scorpio Oct 23-Nov 21

We never wonder if we’re happy, Scorpio, but we think you sometimes do. We know we’re not happy. But you know that you can be. This is a blessing and a curse, we think, because you need to find the things that make you happy. These things might include dancing in a dark room around a pool table, or watching a movie that someone recommended to you, or eating a steak on a dark blue night in Buenos Aires. You’ll know it when you feel it.

Sagittarius Nov 22-Dec 21

When you walk the streets at night, do you feel like you’re being followed? Do you feel like you’re being watched by someone who means to harm you? This isn’t the case. No one wants to hurt you. In fact, the person who you think is following you isn’t even thinking about you. But someone else is. Don’t worry. You are not alone. But that might be even worse.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 19

A prostitute and a philosopher talk. The prostitute says, “Shouldn’t love be the only truth?” The philosopher says, “For that, love would always have to be true.” We think love is almost never true. Or, if it is, it is only true in moments. But maybe that is enough, to find truth in one moment of love, and in the word love itself.

Aquarius Jan 20-Feb 18

There was really only ever one ending. For all of us. Don’t get in the car. Don’t get in the car. That’s our advice to you. Does that mean anything? We don’t know for sure. And maybe the end will come anyway, maybe the end will come anywhere. We know your end already, but then, we know everything.