Pescetarians Are the Fucking Worst

05/01/2013 11:33 AM |

Snakehead fish that can breathe air and live on land

There was this Red Lobster (or some shit) commercial recently in which this guy was talking about some shit like Unlimited Shrimp, and even my proudly omnivorous friend was like, what a fucking asshole. Like, eat all the shrimp you want, but at least respect the fact that they used to be alive and you fucking killed them. Jesus. They’re not rocks. In fact, from the fish’s perspective (and mine!), fish are the worst thing you could eat. “Although one can realistically expect that at least some percentage of cows and pigs are slaughtered with speed and care, no fish gets a good death,” Jonathan Safran Foer writes in Eating Animals. “Not a single one. You never have to wonder if the fish on your plate had to suffer. It did.” Because every fish is suffocated! To death! If you care about animals and can’t give up meat (which, you don’t actually care about animals, but whatever), eat some fucking free-range chicken or grass-fed happy beef or some shit. It’s not moral to eat fish but immoral to eat beef. Stop fooling yourself!

I bring this up because the killer monster Frankenfish loose in Central Park that can breathe air and has teeth seems like nature’s revenge on all you sushi-eatin’ bastids. I think it’s like that ooze in Ghostbusters 2 that feeds off of New Yorkers’ anger. If you just get a fucking avocado roll it’ll probably go away. Avocado is more delicious than eel anyway. Jesus.

Follow Henry Stewart on Twitter @henrycstewart

3 Comment

  • This is a little unhinged, and Foer is flatly dishonest.

    I was curious enough to have a look at that passage in his book. He backs up his claims with reference to an article entitled “Fish welfare: Current issues in aquaculture,” in Applied Animal Behaviour Science vol 104.

    So I had a look at that article. It pretty much says the opposite of what he represents it as saying. One of the very first things it acknowledges is that many scientists assert that “fish lack essential brain regions or any functional equivalent, making it untenable that they can experience pain and fear.”

    So for him to assert “you never have to wonder if the fish on your plate had to suffer. It did.” on the basis of that article is total BS.

  • avocado is not tastier than eel

  • Fish can indeed suffer terror, pain and agony, as most people intuitively realize. For acknowledgement of fish sentience by the scientific community, see the Fish Sentience fact sheet on Fish Feel dot com. We don’t need to use fish -or any other animals- for food, so there is no justification for harming them.