Butt, Doctor…

12/17/2014 7:25 AM |
Illustration by Rachel Clark

 

Dear Audrey,

I have a very specific fantasy, and it’s ruining my life. I, a man, imagine getting something stuck up my butt and having to go to the hospital to get it removed by doctors—ideally a female doctor, and ideally she lectures me and/or shames me. I’m focused on it to the point that I am not interested in sex with anyone anymore. I don’t have anyone currently in my life I can ask to role-play or anything like that, and I’m thinking about just doing it for real. My questions are whether I can get in any legal trouble if I go through with it and get visibly aroused while the doctor is there, and also could I hurt myself in a permanent way? Help. This whole thing is taking over my life right now.

Oh no, please do not do this. This is a terrible, terrible idea for so many reasons, none of which are the ones you are asking about. It’s definitely not okay to involve someone in what is a sex thing for you without her knowledge or consent, in my opinion. NYC emergency room docs already put up with a lot. I mean, this is sort of far-fetched, but you’ll be taking up the time of a doctor who could be treating someone who really needs help—what if someone died or had serious complications because of your covert butt play?

Also, I don’t think you’re going to get the experience you’re hoping for. Most likely you’ll just be waiting around for hours with some object in your butt while filling out tons of paperwork and being surrounded by MRSA and people with horrific injuries. It’s not going to be like, a hot nurse straps you to a table while Dr. Titties probes your anus.
Plus, I don’t know if you’ve looked at your health insurance details, but hospital visits are expensive as hell, even if you’ve got really good insurance. Like, your hospital co-pay alone could be in the $500-$1,000 range! Don’t fuck with that nonsense!

Probably a dominatrix is what you’re looking for? I think doctor fantasies are pretty common, and I bet you can find someone who has a sex emergency room and stern-but-revealing doctor outfit ready to go. That way, you don’t even have to worry about your two actual questions. It would be a sad thing to have a permanently damaged butt or go to jail just because you failed to find a good outlet for your fantasy life.

If that doesn’t work out and you’re still focusing on it to the exclusion of everything else in life, maybe go talk to a therapist. I think obsessing so much about anything sexual for an extended period of time might be something you’d want to check in with someone about. Basically what I’m saying is that purposely getting something stuck up your butt to go to the emergency room is never the answer.

One Comment

  • Hello Audrey,

    Please forward this information to the ‘Butt Fantasy’ fellow.

    His fantasy is easily fulfilled.
    All he has to do is a little research and have a few dollars to invest in
    his dream.

    There are studios in the city that fulfill medical fantasies.
    Dominas run the gamut from age, size, and niche.

    Tell him to take his time and be diligent in his search.

    FetLife is the best
    Please tell him to start at https://fetlife.com/ he can learn so much from
    FL.

    I wish him Good Luck in his search.

    I hope you, Audrey, are having Happy Holidays.
    Sincerely,
    Mrs.G