The Brooklyn dining scene is adventurous and everything but, much in the same way that the Brooklyn cocktail scene got schooled by a little bar in the Yukon Territory that serves severed toes in its cocktails, Brooklyn must acknowledge that is behind the times in terms of another gustatory pleasure, namely, foods that look like vaginas.
I mean, sure, Brooklyn is home to Maison Premiere, one of the best places for oysters that I can think of. And, yes, oysters are very evocative of a woman's most intimate parts. But oysters can't help looking like vaginas! "It's not their fault," says Virginia Smith, heiress to an Oysterville, WA fortune.
What I'm interested in—what we should all be interested in—is food that doesn't naturally look like a vagina, but that is arranged in a way that makes you think of only one thing. That thing being a vagina. This isn't about some god-designed orifice, this is about man's ingenuity in making vagina-like foods.
I will say that Brooklyn does produce a pretty decent runner-up in the food-as-vagina competition. I'm talking, of course, about Defonte's roast beef sandwich, which is a rare and juicy thing of beauty, marred only by the presence of cheese, because, really, no one wants to think about cheese and vaginas all at the same time. Or maybe that's mayonnaise? Even worse really, because mayonnaise is the culinary equivalent of pus. Delicious, delicious pus.
But, no, Defonte's—despite its sandwich's inclusion of what is called "natural jus"—is not the most vagina-like food out there. Are you dying of anticipation? Don't worry. You don't have to wait any longer.
Here it is! The Georgia O'Keefe of amuse bouches. This smoked salmon and caviar dish comes from the pages of Food & Wine magazine and was created by no less a master chef than Eric Ripert of Manhattan's Le Bernardin. That's right, Brooklyn. For the first time in decades, something interesting is coming out of Manhattan. Savor it.
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