Ben & Jerry's has just announced that they will be releasing a new flavor in honor of the "30 Rock" series finale and this has us very excited. Although the details of the "30 Rock" flavor haven't been released yet, the Ben & Jerry's novelty ice cream flavors have a pretty solid record. Schweddy Balls and Americone Dream are both really, really good. Sure, sometimes they miss the mark, like with the Jimmy Fallon 'Late Night Snack' flavor, because, as it turns out, potato chips just can't stay crispy in ice cream. So, ew. Anyway, the actual flavor of the "30 Rock" ice cream won't be revealed until a special airing of the show's finale, but we feel Ben & Jerry's would be missing a real opportunity if they didn't base it around Liz Lemon's favorite snack food, Sabor de Soledad. Or maybe something referencing "mind grapes"? Or werewolf bar mitzvah? I don't know exactly how that would work in terms of ice cream flavors, but, wow, that was a really good episode. In honor of the new "30 Rock" flavor, we decided to come up with some other potential Ben & Jerry's ice creams based on our favorite TV shows.
Called Lord Grantham's Upper Crust, this ice cream is strictly for the elite among us and has a rich, clotted English cream base with a swirl of graham cracker crust crumble. It is also dotted with caviar and gold leaf and must—must—be eaten with a mother-of-pearl spoon. There is also a flavor for the common people, Bates' Poisoned Pie. This flavor was suggested by Virginia Smith, and has a currant-flavored ice cream with a swirl of, well, poison. The poison serves two purposes. It evokes the pie that sent Bates to jail, and, also, it kills the people who eat it. Because they are common. And don't really deserve to live.
This flavor is called Hannah's Bathtub Blend, because Hannah Horvath loves nothing more than to eat in the bathtub. Urine-flavored ice cream (what? some people like the taste of it, I hear) is balanced by chunks of cupcake crumbs because Hannah always eats cupcakes in the bathtub and you know those things crumble.
Game of Thrones
This ice cream flavor simply must be called Game of Cones, because who could avoid such a beautiful pun? Not me. Not me. In honor of house Targaryen, liquid smoke-flavored ice cream is interspersed with bits of horse meat in memoriam of the stallion who mounted the world and a swirl of blood from the usurpers. There is only one true queen, and she is the mother of dragons.
If ever there was a show that could inspire hundreds of ice cream flavors, The Simpsons is it. Just think of a Ralph Wiggum, paste-flavored ice cream, or Lisa's "You Don't Make Friends with Salad" vegan "ice cream", or Disco Stu's Disco Stud ice cream, or even just plain Ned Flanders vanilla? But, if there's going to be a quintessential flavor, it would have to be Homer's Delight, which would have Duff-flavored cream and liberal sprinklings of doughnut pieces and bacon and pork chops and ham. Because, yes, Homer, there is a magical animal where all those things come from. You might know that animal by the name Spider Pig. And he died to make this ice cream. RIP Spider Pig, RIP.
Parks and Recreation
Leslie Knope would stand for nothing less than waffle-flavored ice cream and that's what she's going to get. Pawnee's Pleasure has syrup-flavored ice cream with waffle bits and Sweetums candy chunks. If you eat enough, you might fit right in when you visit Pawnee, Indiana, because, you know, it's the fourth most obese city in America.
Just called Catfish, this ice cream seems like it would taste really good and be exactly what you'd expect from an ice cream except that then you eat it and what looks like plain vanilla is actually fish-flavored ice cream and what looks like chocolate chips are actually fish eyeballs. Eat up.
Remember that episode way back in Season 1 where Saul is alone in his office and uses a ruler to scoop peanut butter out of the jar? Well, that's the inspiration for Saul's Solo Peanut Bitter Surprise. It's peanut butter ice cream with little wooden splinters from the ruler in it, so that you can understand the sad life of Saul Berenson. Don't work for the CIA, guys. It's not worth it.
The New Girl
For Jess on "The New Girl" two food groups help get her through life. They are cupcakes and alcohol and, really, I can think of worse things to imbibe in. So, Jess's Drunken Cupcake is a flavor that melds bits of cupcakes with swirls of bourbon for an ice cream that makes you feel all adorkable (that's a word now) but also encourages you to make all the bad decisions that Jess does when she's drinking. This flavor is a real winner.
Pretty Little Liars
This flavor—Pretty Lo-Cal, Non-Fat Liars—is full of blood and envy, but, also, it is low on calories so that no one will be tempted to purge after eating it, because I'd hate to encourage bulimia. So, eat up, Pretty Little Liars-lovers and know that you'll still be as lovely as the girls on the show.
I mean, obviously, a whiskey-based Mad Men ice cream would be great. And I would totally love an old-fashioned-flavored ice cream. That would be amazing. But the flavor that I'd most like to see is Megan Draper's Orange Sherbet because I want to eat orange sherbet and have Jon Hamm yell at me. That is basically a huge fantasy of mine. And now you know. Lick it up, everybody!
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