• Yum? No! Don't be a monster.

I mean, probably. Probably we should all become vegetarians. Or, at least, all of you should. I never will. As I told a co-worker the other day, "If there is a choice on a menu between something without meat and something with meat, I will order the thing with meat. I always go with the meat." But if you have been paying attention to the international news lately like I have because I am sophisticated and don't only read about hipsters and Lena Dunham, you will know that there's quite a scandal going on in Great Britain due to the fact that horse meat, in the guise of cow meat, has entered the food supply. And this whole awful situation where National Velvet got cooked into the local pub's shepherd pie took place unbeknownst to all the innocent, omnivorous people of Britain. Well, "innocent." I mean, can you ever really call any meat-eater "innocent"? Yes, you totally can. Don't be psychotic and reactionary.

Anyway, so—horse meat. Although horse meat has long been considered a delicacy in France (seriously! I remember learning that in middle school French class and being horrified because that was when I was at my peak horse-loving stage), horses are one of those animals—like dogs and cats—that are not considered acceptable to eat unless you are literally starving to death. And even then! Have some dignity. "National Velvet" was a great movie. I mean, young Elizabeth Taylor! But so, in an article in the Guardian, John Harris tackles the subject of whether or not everyone should become a vegetarian for reasons that go beyond not wanting to eat a pony. So, ok, nothing about this is new. Everyone should know at this point that eating meat is bad for the environment and bad for your health and bad for all the dead animals that are horrifically killed just so that you get to eat bacon.

So, clearly, the right thing to do is to be ethical and just opt out of eating meat. It will be better for society as a whole and better for the world and all that objectively good stuff. But, well, isn't one of the nice things about ethical issues like this that as long as other people act ethically, it kind of balances it out when you don't? Or, more specifically, when I don't? Am I wrong about that? Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, that I will go on eating meat because it's delicious and I am very bad at denying myself things that I enjoy, but I would really like to try and convince all of you to, if not give up meat totally, at least decrease your meat consumption. I mean, probably you're not accidentally eating horse meat, but that isn't really the point.

In order to facilitate you all in your efforts to act more ethically, I've come up with a list of some of the best vegetarian options and animal-friendly things to do here in Brooklyn to make it easy for you to make the right choices, so that I don't have to. Happy eating! And happy clean living! Let's all live clean! Well, not me. But the rest of you guys!

Maimonide of Brooklyn

This vegan restaurant is relatively new and reliably delicious. You can eat a thing called the Belly Charmer which will actually charm your belly with its Middle-Eastern mixture of eggplant and zucchini and spices on warm flatbread. Who knew being virtuous could taste so good?

M.O.B. Maimonide of Brooklyn, 525 Atlantic Avenue

S'Nice

This Park Slope mainstay can be a little treacherous when school lets out. Unless you're into kids? Then maybe you'll love it? But in the middle of the day, it's an oasis of calm and while the sandwiches are great, what is even greater are these vegan apricot crumble bar things that are huge and perfect and salty and sweet. They're so good. I want one now.

S'Nice, 315 5th Avenue

• The Scuttlebutt

Saltie

So all the sandwiches at Saltie are really delicious. But you know how sometimes choosing the vegetarian option makes you feel all self-denying and straight-up boring? Because you're forgoing the really delicious option for something that doesn't quite measure up? Well, this won't be the case at Saltie, where there are insanely good meat-filled sandwiches, but plenty of vegetarian options too. But more important than the vegetarian options just existing, they are also super decadent and wonderfully tasty. So, indulge in a Scuttlebutt and be just as happy as you'd be if you were eating a Balmy. Also, Scuttlebutt is more fun to say. It just is.

Saltie, 378 Metropolitan Avenue

• Are you kidding with this face?

Sean Casey Animal Rescue

So, this place is not where you go for eating. Obviously. But do something else good for animals and head over to Sean Casey and walk a few of the dogs that they have. Play with some of the kittens. Make these animals who don't have homes feel a little better about themselves. And then you'll feel better about yourself. And then I'll feel better about myself because all of this stuff was my idea. Everyone wins.

Sean Casey Animal Rescue, 153 E. 3rd St

Kensington Stables

It all comes back to horses, really. And at Kensington Stables, which is the only place in the Prospect Park area to ride horses, you can have the opportunity to interact with horses in the proper way i.e. they're not baked into your dinner. You can go on a trail ride through the park if you want—hopefully you will get Joel for your trail-leader, he is quite eccentric and usually dressed in head-to-toe black leather. Well, in summer he wears no shirt, so it's just black leather chaps and a leather vest and it's amazing. I believe he's in his mid-60s. Or you can just go hang out with the beautiful horses and the people who work at this century-old stable who all really love these animals. I highly recommend it. And afterward, go eat some hummus or something, you nature-loving freak.

Kensington Stables, 51 Caton Place

Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen