Because food is nothing if not gendered and our economy is nothing if not buoyed by preposterous spinoff products, we now have "Powerful Yogurt," a Greek yogurt geared toward men and their presumed desire for a six-pack. Or, as Grub Street helpfully termed it yesterday, "Brogurt."
Which obviously got us to thinking. As writers, as eaters, as thinkers. What are some other foods that can be male — nay, bro — specific? Lots, it turns out, so here are 10. Patents pending.
Which come with a pre-approved brand ambassador.
Exact pronunciation of this new word TBD.
It could maybe come with pre-added nuts, or something. I don't know.
Practically speaking, these should not be that hard to mash into the shape of genitalia.
Consumption method negotiable.
Consumption method absolutely non-negotiable.
Actually, it is possible this already exists.
You know, for a leaner, more legume-based protein than traditional, fatty pot bro-ast.
Let's end this on a wholesome note, alright? Applesauce is just a healthy, all-American treat that needs to be re-branded away from the greedy, un-sexy baby market.
Follow Virginia K. Smith on Twitter @vksmith.