The Daily News published a list of the most disgusting bar bathrooms in New York City and guess what, Brooklyn? Five of them are right here! In the county of Kings. Yes! That's right. Brooklyn bars have a lot of gross bathrooms. But you already knew that, right? Because you have been to a bar bathroom in Brooklyn before. I mean, it's hard to disagree with a single one of the News' choices. Putting all the toilet paper in the world on the seats couldn't protect your ass from the super-strain gonorrhea which has made its home in the cracks of those porcelain thrones.
The News put together its list based off photos from the truly amazing tumblr "Toilets of New York" which doesn't judge bathrooms, but rather presents them without comment. There is something really elegant about doing it that way, just allowing the toilet to speak for itself. Because, really, if any inanimate object has something important to say, it's probably a toilet in a Bushwick bar bathroom.
But so anyway, we have come up with our own list of bar bathrooms. Some of the worst, and some of the best. And we comment on them. Because we are not elegant, though sometimes we try. Just, I guess, not hard enough. Now, this list is not totally comprehensive, and it is entirely subjective, but it is a list that we believe in, as much as we believe in anything.
Worst: 68 Jay
Now, while we are big fans of this bar (especially because of the complimentary Goldfish crackers during happy hour) the bathroom is kind of another story. It's not that it's dirty or anything, so at least it has that going for it. In fact, its inclusion on this list caused many people in our offices to protest. However, the reason 68 Jay is one of the worst is simply this:the wall of the women's bathroom is so thin that you can hear conversations going on right on the other side. This worries us because it means that the people enjoying their drinks and Goldfish can probably hear us. As we pee. And so we get self-conscious. Which isn't how you want to feel when going to the bathroom. You want to be able to relax. But in 68 Jay, that's impossible.
68 Jay; 68 Jay St, DUMBO
Worst: Metropolitan Bar
I love Metropolitan Bar (especially for the Craft Magic events) but I hate their bathrooms. The doors don't lock. This is awkward, but manageable, I guess. The graffiti is interesting, but lots of bars have interesting graffiti. The problem here? It's fucking filthy. Look at that sink. That's disgusting. This is the kind of bathroom that you can only use when you have a bottle of Purell with you, which you shouldn't only use on your hands. Rub it all over any part of you that even came into contact with the air in the bathroom. Super-strain gonorrhea might not technically be an airborne disease, but anything is possible inside the picket fence doors of the Metropolitan's bathroom stalls.
Metroplitan Bar; 559 Lorimer Street, Williamsburg
Worst: Trash Bar
While the owners of Trash Bar are really great and it is admittedly an awesome bar on its own, the bathrooms are really lacking. They are, in a word, disgusting. And then, if we're going to add a few more words to what we think of the bathrooms at Trash Bar, Virginia Smith has this to say, "There is a hole in the bathroom that I'm not entirely convinced is not there for people to look inside and watch you pee. That's how I feel." So, yes. That makes it one of the worst bathrooms in Brooklyn.
Trash Bar; 256 Grand Street, Williamsburg
Best: Jackie's Fifth Amendment
Jackie's Fifth Amendment isn't necessarily the bar that you would think would have a great bathroom. But that's the genius of this choice. It shouldn't have a good bathroom at all, but it does. According to Virginia Smith it's "surprisingly spacious and clean, even though it has an alarming dip in the floor." Surprisingly spacious and clean is really all you need in a good bathroom. Or at least, that's how low the bar has been set anyway.
Jackie's Fifth Amendment; 404 5th Avenue, Park Slope
This bar is another DUMBO mainstay and this choice is a little controversial among staffers at Northside Media Group. Basically, the women love it and the men are ambiguous about its charms. But that's understandable, because, while the men's room is pretty basic, the women's room is spectacular. You enter through a curtain of shiny streamers and wooden beads and the mirror hanging over the sink is ornate and gilded. What could be better? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Superfine; 126 Front Street, DUMBO
Best: Three Jolly Pigeons
The beauty of the bathroom in Three Jolly Pigeons is in the details. Henry Stewart shares the fact that the men's room is a special place because, "it has stained glass by the ceiling. It's just very pretty. It's aesthetically pleasant. Does that not count for anything?" It does, Hank. It does count for something. In this crazy world of dirty bathrooms with doors that don't even lock, things that are "very pretty" count for a lot. So, everyone should head out to Bay Ridge, drink a lot of beer, and pee to their heart's content. It's the viking way.
Three Jolly Pigeons; 6802 Third Avenue, Bay Ridge
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