I'm no doctor, but I am really, really good at self-medicating. So good, in fact, that I feel fully qualified to step into the role of a health/nutrition expert and advise you what to eat and drink when you're suffering from one of those epic hangovers that are definite signs that you damaged more than a few brain cells the night before. While these foods might not regenerate your gray matter, they will definitely make you feel better as you try in vain to remember every last detail of the night before. And then once you remember the things you said, you can try and forget. Because that's what life is all about, isn't it? Trying to forget so that we can go on to make more mistakes.
Bacon, Egg, and Cheese
Everyone knows that eggs are the best cure for a hangover, because everyone (except vegetarians and vegans—sorry, guys!) has experienced the miracle cure of a bacon, egg, and cheese the morning after an all-night bender. And even though a deli bacon, egg, and cheese can get the job done in a pinch, treat yourself to one of the best versions in Brooklyn at Seersucker. This sandwich is served on perfectly chewy ciabatta and is embellished with tomato jam for just the right amount of tanginess to complement that unctuous cheese and eggs. This might not totally cure your hangover, but it'll come pretty damn close.
Seersucker; 329 Smith Street, Carroll Gardens
Mile End; 97A Hoyt Street, Boerum Hill
So this is basically intuitive, right? It's pasta mixed with eggs, bacon, and cheese. Obviously this is the perfect hangover food. Park Slope's al di là takes traditional spaghetti carbonara to the next level though with the addition of fava beans. So you actually feel just the tiniest bit healthy as you inhale this carb and fat bomb. And health is really the whole point of hangover cures, I think. You want to get healthy so you can get back to being unhealthy as soon as humanly possible.
al di là; 248 5th Avenue, Park Slope
Rice Balls and Miso Soup
For a truly healthy hangover remedy, you can't get much better than miso soup. Miso broth is excellent at both rehydrating and restoring sodium, and it also tastes really, really good. Another restorative treat are Japanese rice balls, which pack an umami punch without being as unhealthy as an egg and cheese sandwich. My favorite place for rice balls and miso soup is the Rice & Miso Everyday stand, which you can find on weekends at Smorgasburg and on Thursdays and Fridays this summer under the arch of the Manhattan Bridge.
Rice & Miso Everyday; Smorgasburg and Brooklyn Flea Under the Archway, Williamsburg and DUMBO
It would be possible to present a list of top ten hangover foods and have each item be a variation on a breakfast sandwich. That would be a totally legitimate list, because sandwiches are great hangover cures for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that it's good to eat with your hands when you're shaking so much that you can't be trusted with any utensil sharper than a spork. But I didn't want to make a list of just sandwiches, because if there's one thing I am, it's ambitious. That said, I'd be remiss in my duties if I didn't include the delicious chicken biscuit from Pies 'n' Thighs, because that thing can cure whatever ails you. The chicken is perfectly crispy and the combination of honey and hot sauce is pure heaven. This will definitely soak up whatever alcohol is left in your belly. I think that's how hangover remedies work? Maybe?
Pies 'n' Thighs; 166 S 4th Street, Williamsburg
Well, so, if you want to be really healthy and feel better in a medically recognized kind of way, you should probably get yourself over to Tiny Empire and drink some juice. Make sure to get a juice or smoothie that contains ingredients like bananas, kale, or spinach, because all of those are full of potassium, which your body is craving post-alcoholic bender. And, seriously, you'll practically feel like a saint if you get a juice instead of a greasy sandwich. And isn't sainthood the whole point of life? No. Absolutely not. But drink juice anyway. You'll feel better.
Tiny Empire; 142 N 6th Street, Williamsburg
Pizza is the perfect hangover food. Whether it's eaten fresh and piping hot or cold and straight from the refrigerator, a few slices of pizza will definitely make you feel all better. But you should probably make the effort to treat yourself when you're hungover, so rather than just going for a quick slice at whatever place is closest to you, head over to Franny's where you can get one of the best pizzas in Brooklyn. The classic Margarita never fails to please, but I also recommend the clam pie. Sprinkled with chilis and parsley, it tastes fresh and vibrant and will wake you right up out of your nasty hangover.
Franny's; 348 Flatbush Avenue, Park Slope
Buttermilk Channel; 524 Court Street, Carroll Gardens
Oatmeal is what is called a "superfood" by those in the know because it is chock full of vitamins and minerals and other good things that help your body run well. And while oatmeal is definitely something you can make at home, it is also something that Skytown makes really well. You can add fruit to the classic oatmeal and feel even healthier. And, as long as you're at Skytown, you can also get one of their amazing breakfast sandwiches, which comes loaded up with greens, goat cheese, and pickled onions. Oatmeal and breakfast sandwich together? Isn't that the height of decadence? Yes! But you deserve it. You're in recovery.
Skytown; 921 Broadway, border of Bushwick and Bed-Stuy
Littleneck; 288 Third Avenue, Gowanus
Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen