Listen, we didn't start any of this. If anyone had consulted us prior, we'd have told them that gratuitous, pun-titled franken-desserts are a waste of the public's time when there are so many pre-existing desserts in this world that could stand to be improved upon. Hopefully, though, we can end it.
With news yesterday that in addition to bacon-infused cronut spinoffs, there's now a "crookie" on the market, it's clear what has to happen. We have to artificially speed up the news cycle by brainstorming every possible (or at least like 5) croissant-infused dessert hybrid that could possibly hit the already-over-saturated market, and put this whole thing to bed.
The obvious first choice. And really, any pie will do, since the idea here is really just swapping out crust for similarly-textured layers of croissant. It's just that "crapple" sounds
Cannoli shells have always been too thick, anyway, and never don't taste a little stale. Replace it with a light, flaky croissant-based exoskeleton, and get to the cream interior without the entire thing crumbling and falling on your clothes mid-bite.
Cralo CraloWe've sung the praises of Talde's version of the Halo Halo before
- Photo via Pig Parts and Beer
- Still good.
, and it's still pretty perfect as it is. But! What if, instead of the Cap'n Crunch—or even just in addition to the Cap'n Crunch—the sweet, icy coconut was offset by buttery chunks of croissant? What if.
Also pretty good as they are, given that they're already sort of a hybrid dessert to begin with. But, in lieu of a "crice cream sandwich," which sounds great in theory but may get soggy too fast to actually eat, we'll go with the easier-to-handle, cream-filled whoopie pie version. To be made exclusively with chocolate croissants (choissants).
In which we cut a croissant in half and spread rice pudding in the middle like so much room-temperature whipped butter, or
use the curly ends of an intact croissant to just scoop rice pudding straight from the tub. The DIY option, essentially. So. Is this enough? Can this all be over now? Or do we have to quietly ride the rest of this cronut thing out, shut in our dark apartments, spreading foods onto other foods? Either is actually fine, it'd just be nice to know one way or the other.
Follow Virginia K. Smith on Twitter @vksmith.