I mean, I'm not really kidding here! They smell like poop and vomit kinda often, right? I hear people say that there's also a really nice "baby smell" they sometimes have, but people don't hand me their babies particularly often, so I can't verify that. As far as I'm concerned, douse them in Dolce & Gabbana perfume.
And even if you already think they smell great or just think perfume for babies is sort of insane, douse them anyway! It's just going to enhance their pre-existing eau de baby, according to Stefano Gabbana. "The softness of baby skin, the freshness of baby breath, a mother's sweet hug [and] the first smile," he said, when asked to describe the scent's inspiration. This will, reportedly, manifest itself as "notes of citrus, honey, and melon."
But wait, you maybe still have qualms? You don't really feel like dropping $44 on a bottle, or think your sensitive newborn might not like a heavily scented chemical spray on their (teeny, tiny) person? This isn't all about the baby, you know. Perfume designer Frederick Bouchardy helpfully weighed in on this whole thing, explaining, "It's not just about a scent for a baby, but it's also a scent for an adult that's meant to be evocative of the scent of the baby." See? Get it now? This is all totally, absolutely justifiable.
Follow Virginia K. Smith on Twitter @vksmith.