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Head down to Brighton Beach and see why it's called Little Odessa. I mean, I don't know what Odessa is like, but if there are as many men in thongs playing chess on overturned garbage cans on the boardwalk over there as we have in Brighton Beach, then I am saving up my money for a real trip next summer! Plus, I bet the Black Sea is, like, ice cold. Nice!
Challenge a be-thonged man to a game of pickup chess. Or not.
But definitely go to Tatiana and order the pelmenyi and pickled watermelon and a bottle of vodka.
Get crazy drunk till you feel your nose getting redder and rounder by the minute.
Don't skimp on the sauerkraut juice!
Then go beat yourself with white birch branches at the Mermaid Spa (3710-11 Mermaid Ave Brooklyn, NY) and sweat out all of that vodka in a sauna so that your vodka sweat hangs suspended in the hot sauna air and you breathe it right back in again.
That's called the circle of life.