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7) Chess on Brighton Beach with a Man in a Thong-exercise in eye contact
I learned how to play chess from my 5th-grade teacher, Mr. Kissmann. He was 6'4" tall and must've weighed 250-lbs. He was pretty great.
I wonder how he would have done in this event. Probably well.
The trick here, though, and the only way to get on the coveted medals podium, is that you must hunt down a man playing chess in a thong and then CHALLENGE HIM.
Many, many men on Brighton Beach play chess.
Many, many men on Brighton Beach wear thongs.
It's a pretty interesting Venn Diagram opportunity when you think about it.
Sit down with one of these men and play chess and win.
And try to keep your eyes on the board.