Thursday, October 11, 2012

How to Choose a Religion if You're a Godless, Hipster Heathen

Posted By on Thu, Oct 11, 2012 at 1:35 PM

Page 2 of 6

That looks like it hurts.
  • That looks like it hurts.

The Aztec Religion

The Aztec people lived in Central Mexico and were comprised of groups of ethnically and culturally similar groups that all united in "1427 as a triple alliance between the city-states Tenochtitlan, Texcoco and Tlacopan" to form the Aztec Empire. So, there is a lot of interesting history involved, but who needs a history lesson now, when I'm about to talk about child sacrifice?

Pros:

-Environmentally Conscious: Aztecs were so afraid of nature being out of balance that they were constantly devising ways to keep the environment stable.
-Your Choice of Gods: There are a lot of gods. If you don't like the one that turns into a jaguar—although, why wouldn't you, what's wrong with you?—you could easily choose another god to like.
-They Like to Party: Seriously.There is a god for drunkenness named "Centzon Totochtin." He was also known as "the divine rabbit." What's not to like?

Cons:

-Human Sacrifice: I mean, if this was only the sacrifice of, you know, really bad people or children or something, then maybe it would be a toss-up between pros and cons, but it was the sacrifice of everyone. Really. Basically anyone could be sacrificed. And remember how I said how environmentally conscious the Aztecs were? Well, the way they tried to keep the earth in balance was by sacrificing people. Did it work? Well, we still haven't had the end of days yet, HAVE WE?
-Apocalypse: So the Aztec people were pretty convinced, every 52 years, that the earth would end. That sounds pretty exhausting to me. Because, it's just like, END ALREADY, EARTH. Stop being such an apocalyptic cock-tease, you know?

Summary:

I don't think the Aztec religion would be for me. I don't like the sight of other people's blood. And I am not so into preparing for the end of the world. Would I have to wear clean underwear? So many questions.

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About The Author

Kristin Iversen

Kristin Iversen

Bio:
Kristin Iversen is the Managing Editor at Brooklyn Magazine and the L Magazine. She has been described as "a hipster buzzword made flesh." This seems pretty accurate.

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