Tuesday, October 23, 2012

A Beginner's Guide to the Nets: 50 Easy Steps to Becoming a Better Brooklyn Fan

Posted By on Tue, Oct 23, 2012 at 6:05 AM

Page 7 of 11

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AT A SPORTSBAR
31. Learn some basic basketball vernacular: the ball is also the "pill," the "rock," or the "biscuit"; the key is also the "house" or the "paint"; a dunk is also a "jam" or a "flush"; "making it rain" describes a long, high three-pointer... You know what, spend a little time here, so at least you know what people are talking about, but don't over do it yourself.

32. Don't come on too strong, but let your allegiances be known with a gentle “yes” and the occasional, frustrated “fuck.”

33. Only under very special circumstances should you look around for someone to high-five: overtime wins, last-second winners, made half-court shorts, and pivotal moments in playoff games. You should not be looking around for a stranger to touch merely because the Nets went on a 10-0 run to finish the quarter against the Raptors... in November.

34. Which reminds us: Canada has an NBA team now. They used to have two, but then the Vancouver Grizzlies moved to Memphis. Also, the Seattle SuperSonics are now the Oklahoma City Thunder. And the Charlotte Hornets are now the New Orleans Hornets.

35. If it seems like the person sitting next to you doesn't want to talk about the game, it is imperative that you respect his or her wishes.

36. Don't grumble about what you think should have been called a travel. They don't call traveling in the NBA, at least not nearly as often as NBA players travel.

37. Ditto for moving picks. You can basically throw full-on NFL-style blocks and no one will blow the whistle. It's totally crazy and dangerous and you should feel free to complain about this whenever you see it happen. Make it your thing if you want to. It's a perfectly respectable thing to have.

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Mike Conklin

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