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The Republican Primaries
Remember when Donald Trump was pretending that he was really going to run fro President? This was before he returned to doing what he does best, which is being president of Twitter, where he composes such gems as "It’s extremely cold in NY & NJ—not good for flood victims. Where is global warming?" and "Everyone is asking me to speak more on Robert & Kristen.I don't have time except to say "Robert, drop her, she cheated on you & will again!" We also got to entertain the reality that Michele Bachmann—who thinks that the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation—or Rick Perry—who had trouble naming the three different federal agencies he wanted to eliminate—or Herman Cain—of Uzbeki-beki-beki-stan fame—or Newt Gingrich—the only candidate who understands the vital importance of building an American base on the moon—or Rick Santorum—whose last name is synonymous with the frothy, fecal by-product of anal sex—could all maybe be our next President! Exciting.
But who would it be? Who would get chosen by the troglodytic Republican base?
The troglodytes finally spoke and chose the man of a thousand spray tans, Mitt Romney! And now the fun could really start. Well, if your idea of fun is endless campaign commercials and tracking polls. That is not actually even close to my idea of fun, but whatever.