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Obviously, the disgust Wampole feels stems from the fact that she herself identifies with hipsters. Wampole writes, "They provoke me, I realized, because they are, despite the distance from which I observe them, an amplified version of me. I, too, exhibit ironic tendencies." What kind of ironic tendencies? Well, Wampole "find[s] it difficult to give sincere gifts." That's right. Instead of giving people thoughtful gifts that show she really cares about them, Wampole gets people things like "a kitschy painting from a thrift store, a coffee mug with flashy images of 'Texas, the Lone Star State,' plastic Mexican wrestler figures." This is awful. I say that totally sincerely. What adult does that? I mean, it's fine and fun and everything to get people silly gifts from time to time, but to actually find it difficult to get people thoughtful presents? What kind of emotional damage must Wampole be suffering from?
Wampole wants us to pull away from ironic living and mentions a few different types of people who live life unironically. Included in this group are "very young children, elderly people, deeply religious people, people with severe mental or physical disabilities, people who have suffered, and those from economically or politically challenged places where seriousness is the governing state of mind." Also, fundamentalists and dictators. Oh. And "animals and plants." Something to aspire to, for sure.
Okay, well, what if I am ready to embrace the life of the unironic? How can I be more like a young child, a dictator, or a plant? What do I have to do? Wampole advises, "Ask yourself: Do I communicate primarily through inside jokes and pop culture references? What percentage of my speech is meaningful? How much hyperbolic language do I use? Do I feign indifference?" This is difficult. I mean, I can't ask myself these questions unironically. It's like I failed even before I started. Well, what else can I do? What else can I change?