You might have already heard, but today, New York's Powerball jackpot reached a record $550 million, or a potential $360.2 million for a single winner opting for cash payout. This is biggest Powerball jackpock of all time, ever! And tonight's drawing at 11 p.m. will confirm that you will never see a fucking dime of that money.
It's not your fault. It's just that the odds of winning are 1 in 175,223,510. Instead of buying a ticket that will bring you nothing but disappointed hopes, here are some other ways to spend a $2 today.
Maison Premiere has had $1 oysters from 4-7 p.m. for ages, and we're still not sick of it. Go eat exactly two oysters.
Don't feel like getting used to oysters, or as they're more commonly known, "what rich people and Powerball winners eat?" Fine. Every deli always is running a "special" on bags of Utz for 99 cents. Buy some pretzels and whatever their Dorito equivalent is and make your own, starchy party mix.
The best part of Junk has always been their bin of abandoned family photos. Why not buy a bunch of b-roll from someone's 1982 wedding, and speculate as to all the sad, sad reasons these prints might have ended up in a thrift store. Fun!
Besides, as you can see, some cats, this Windsor Terrace bookstore also has a great selection of used books, many of which go for $1. Think of how much more you'll learn from reading a book than from losing money that was never yours to begin with.
Give your money to something besides an un-winnable system that will only ever bring you down! I mean, maybe donate more than $2, but no harm in staying on theme here. Sean Casey Animal Rescue and Brooklyn Recovery Fund are both great causes, but we trust your judgment. Unless you're still using that money for a lotto ticket. Have we learned nothing here today?
Follow Virginia K Smith on Twitter @vksmith.