Wednesday, December 5, 2012

5 Unbiased Reasons Kate and William Should Raise Their Kid In Brooklyn

Posted By on Wed, Dec 5, 2012 at 9:00 AM

If you've spent any time over the past 48 hours doing work at your job, "taking some time for yourself," or thinking about boring shit like the Middle East, let me just stop you right there. Are you an unfeeling monster? A famous, wealthy, titled baby is on the way, and attention must be paid. Oh, it must be paid.

Thankfully, the New York Post understands this, and have published a helpful article chock-full of inside information on Prince William and Kate Middleton's plans for said Über-baby, specifically, that they want it to have a normal life and "raise it just like us."

"Send them a $500 engraved silver christening cup from Tiffany’s, and it’ll be returned pronto by their office with a polite note of thanks and the suggestion that you make a contribution instead to their charitable trust," writes the Post.

Sounds like a pretty extreme attempt at normalcy. Maybe the kind that would be helped along by a refreshing change of location... to Brooklyn?! After all, there's a reason we're known on the streets as "Babytown, USA." This is a great place to raise kids, especially for the likes of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. And, since I assume William and Kate have nothing better to do during this time than pore over the self-interested advice of a blogger they have never met, allow me to present the evidence.

Queen of America.
  • Queen of America.

The Playdates

This could be an urban baby legend, but I've heard that Solange sometimes babysits Blue Ivy. I have also heard that Jay-Z sometimes babysits Solange's son, and is teaching him how to rap, and sometimes the whole family hangs out together. If anyone can get in on this playgroup of American royalty, it is the British royal baby. Imagine the power brokering that can take place!


The Cloak of Anonymity

Sure, everyone will know who they are wherever they go and be super impressed, but we are all very practiced at pretending celebrity parents in our midst are just your average, everyday Brooklyn randos. Respecting their privacy, as it is also known in some circles.


The Food

Did you know that the royal family is really into the whole organic food thing? I do, because I basically know them personally. For instance, Prince Charles has been in the game since way before it was cool, and even has his own fancy line of fair trade, organic snacks. Point being, a stint living in Brooklyn could be like a fun fact-finding mission for William and Kate, plus an opportunity to feed their baby healthy food or whatever. Also, since they like commoner activities, there is no better opportunity for a still-cloistered way to interact with regular folk than a shift at the Park Slope Co-op.

The photoshop I have ever seen.
  • A pretty good photoshop.

The Babies-in-Bars Scene

According to both the Post and my extensive personal experience with them, Kate and William like to keep things low-key, and prefer not to have staff helping around the house, which also means they won't always have a babysitter on hand. But hey, sometimes after a long day of waiting to ascend to the throne, you just wanna go out for a beer, you know? Hmm, but if we live in Brooklyn, is it cool to bring the baby along? Oh, is it ever, you guys.


The Open "Duke of New York" Seat

Ever since his too-early death in Escape From New York, our city has been aching, longing, for a new person we can look up to as Duke of New York. If he lived here for even like a week or so, this baby would have as legitimate a claim as anyone else. Why not diversify his portfolio of largely symbolic titles?

Follow Virginia K. Smith on Twitter @vksmith.

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About The Author

Virginia K. Smith

Virginia K. Smith

Virginia K. Smith is the Assistant Editor at The L Magazine and a Bushwick resident. Her profile picture was taken at Summerscreen, because she is a real team player.

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