Friday, December 21, 2012

Bad Life Choices I Made Because I Thought the World Was Ending

Posted By on Fri, Dec 21, 2012 at 2:52 PM

  • doom

So, the world probably isn't going to end today. Which, fine. I wasn't counting on it to end. Or, at least, I wasn't counting on it to end because of any centuries old Mayan prophecy. But, after reflecting on some things that I've been doing in the last week or so, I realized that I also haven't been counting on the world not to end. What I'm trying to say is, now that I know that world will continue and our grim march toward that dark week between Christmas and New Year's Eve is moving forward unabated, here's a list of some things that I've been doing that I probably wouldn't have done if, on some level, I hadn't hoped that the world was going to end and descend into a state of eternal darkness.

The Markowitz card. Really.
  • c/o Gothamist because they actually GOT a card, unlike me.
  • The Markowitz card. Really.

1) I would not have drafted a heartbroken email to Marty Markowitz on learning that I hadn't received a holiday card from him. Ugh. Unrequited love is the worst.

so perfect
  • so perfect

2) I would not have spent several hours lamenting the fact that I would never own anything as perfect as the IKEA monkey and feeling mildly resentful of my not-quite-as-perfect mini-Schnauzer. And then online shopping for a mini-Schnauzer-sized coat, in the style of the one sported by the IKEA monkey.


3) I would not have made a "4 Norseman of the Apocalypse" joke on twitter. I knew it wasn't funny, but I also thought that maybe, just maybe, no one would remember it once they were dead. Now everyone will remember it.


4) After discovering a veritable treasure trove of hidden Skype emoticons, I would not have blown my wad and used literally all of them in Skype conversation yesterday. Now I will not be able to impress people via Skype emoticon in the future, which I guess is now a thing that is happening.

I like how it looks like the petals are about to fall off.
  • I like how it looks like the petals are about to fall off.

5) I would not have drawn a picture of a flower on the back of my hand with a Sharpie earlier this week because now I wake up every morning with an imprint of the flower (it's a black-eyed Susan) on my cheek because I sleep with my face on my hand, I guess? And every morning I have to scrub it off and now the skin on my cheek is dry. I guess the solution to this is to wash the Sharpie flower off my hand, but I like it. It's pretty. Now that the world's not ending, I probably have a couple more days of this to deal with.

In conclusion, I really acted no differently this past week than I would have were the Mayan Ragnarok not on the horizon. But maybe I should at least reflect on changing some of my behavior anyway. Like, finally accepting that Marty Markowitz is just not that into me. It's going to be tough, but maybe I'll be able to do it. We'll see. Death is coming, for sure, but not quite yet.

Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen

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About The Author

Kristin Iversen

Kristin Iversen

Kristin Iversen is the Managing Editor at Brooklyn Magazine and the L Magazine. She has been described as "a hipster buzzword made flesh." This seems pretty accurate.

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