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But so anyway, what about a real Lulu profile? Who are the real men we can read about? Well, as an intrepid and thorough reporter, I went so far as to download the app so that I could check out the real guys. What I found might surprise you. First, you can look for guys in the categories of "sweet guys" and "funny guys" and "sexual panthers." So, this is helpful. Because I am scared of funny guys. They're always really damaged, you know? Also, "great kissers." I'm scared of those. So much pressure! I mean, greatness is intimidating in any form, but in a kisser? Terrifying. I feel like I'd just clench up from sheer nerves. That might just be me though and my issues.
Anyway, I'm trying not to be too mean right now because, per the website, "Lulu isn't a place to trash-talk: Lulu's review system makes it impossible for a vindictive ex to reveal the size of a guy's itty bitty friend or claim he gave the Herp to 1,000 women." So, don't worry men! If you want to go around spreading herpes to hundreds of women, you'll still be safe on Lulu. And if you men are feeling left out, don't worry because Lulu "also ha[s] an app for guys, which lets them get general feedback about where they stand among other men, and gives them tips and insights about the mysterious world of women."
Women sure are mysterious and mystical beings. I mean, it's truly a mystery what #HandyMan actually means, you know? I'm so glad there's finally a community like Lulu that can help me figure it all out.
Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen