When Cardinal Ratzinger became Pope Benedict XVI, many observers saw him as a "placeholder pope" meant to soften the transition from the beloved John Paul to another. Now, after almost eight years, Benedict has finally
decided to step down, the first pope to do so voluntarily since 1294. (That's not a typo.) It could set the stage for the sort of bold pope choice the church missed with Ratzinger: an African pope? A Latino pope? Couldn't be more controversial than a Nazi pope, right?
But the one pope I really hope we don't see is Pope Tim Dolan. He's the Archibishop of New York and a Cardinal, which means he'll be voting for the next pope; he's also been floated as a candidate, though any reasonable person—i.e. not the Daily News—knows he's a long shot. (Right? Right?) I don't like Timothy Dolan. Truth is, I probably won't like any pope: as a resident of the 21st century, I believe in crazy things like equality for women. But my own ideology isn't in total opposition to the Catholic Church's: we're both generally anti-poverty, opposed to war and the death penalty. My major beef with the Catholic Church isn't over what it believes—it's with its selectivity in deciding what actually matters. Here's a quick guide to Dolan's moral beliefs, from pedophilia (not so bad) to healthcare (bad!!!).
"I think society and culture is at its peril if we presume to tamper with what has been given and already cherished through the history of civilization," Dolan said
after New York legalized same-sex marriages—by which he meant that, like slavery and the subjugation of women, the unequal treatment of homosexuals is in our history, and therefore morally true. [photo
I don't think it's ridiculous for a Catholic to have a moral opposition to abortion, but it sounds kind of empty when paired with... [photo
Not So Bad: War, Death Penalty
his decision to criticize Notre Dame for inviting Obama to speak even though he didn't do the same for George W. Bush. "On those two hot-button issues that I’d be uncomfortable with, namely the war and capital punishment, I would have to give [Bush] the benefit of the doubt, to say that those two issues are open to some discussion, and are not intrinsically evil... In the Catholic mindset... that would not apply to abortion." Dolan, you're talking about a man who invaded a country based on a framework of untruth, and who presided as governor over the execution of one Texan every nine days, including several who were mentally challenged. That's some tortuous logic, padre!
Dolan was pissed
that Obama's healthcare plans mandates that most employers cover contraception for female employees, because in 21st-century America, a woman's access to basic healthcare should be subject to the approval of the Catholic Church. [photo
Not So Bad: Pedophiles
Like the rest of the modern Church, Dolan bears the mark of the
pedophile scandal. While the Archbishop of Milwaukee, he authorized payments of up to $20,000 to abusive priests to entice them to leave the priesthood, the Times reported
last year. Because what could be holier than issuing cash bonuses to people who sexually assault children? As long as they're not trying to marry them!
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