Fresh off his soda defeat, our mayor wants to make cigarettes invisible: that is, he doesn't want bodegas to have big tall displays of all the different fresh-tasting brands you could choose from. They could, he suggested, put them "in a cabinet or a drawer, behind the counter or a curtain," the Times reported
. As a way to attack a problem, I think this is brilliant: literally make it go away. So here are six more problems Bloomberg might solve the same way.
Oh yeah, so the department of health doesn't have the right to limit the sizes of sugary beverages sold in stores regulated by the city department of health? How about obscuring them with a cloaking device? You can buy all the soda you want—you just have to find it first! Muhahahahaha. [photo
Imagine walking into a bar and there are no bottles of alcohol visible anywhere. "Umm, I'll have the... uh... club soda, I guess?" Yeah, you will! Finally, kids who go into bars would stop seeing all that free advertising by the liquor lobby, and ex-drinkers wouldn't be tempted to impulse drink when they go into a bar. [photo
- Hide this behind a curtain or something.
You walk into McDonald's and the cashier's like, "you want a hamburger?" And you look up from your communication device to see nothing but menu boards, cashiers, and a bunch of kitchen staff standing around in an empty room. Weeeeird. Maybe head home and make yourself that three-bean salad after all instead of taking your chances with ghost food. [photo
Ok filthy rich Europeans and Americans with bad taste in theater: we want your dollars (or even your Euros. Christ, whatever you got). But we don't want to have to walk around you when we're really busy
doing something really important
. So can we make you invisible please? Or maybe like those villains in that Doctor Who
episode whom you forgot about as soon as you looked away from them? I think that's a fair compromise.
High-Fructose Corn SyrupBrooklyn Magazine
editor Virginia Smith says Bloomberg should make invisible "those crazy gummy hamburgers that all deli's have because I can't not buy themmmm," which is the weirdest thing anyone's ever confessed to me. But the overarching point is well-taken: if we can fix our problems by hiding their causes, let's hide, like, the biggest cause of our, like, biggest problem!
High fructose corn syrup! [photo
Think how much happier we'd all be if we didn't have to see his saurian smirk all the time. [photo
Follow Henry Stewart on Twitter @henrycstewart