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Mike: I think it depends how old the kid is. Babies, the totally helpless tiny kind, anyway, are sort of hard to ditch, and I think you either have to accept their presence as a given for a few months or just stick to texts and phone calls, which is also perfectly acceptable.
Kristin: Why don’t you want to hang out with my kid? What the fuck? Yes, Virginia, it is totally reasonable for you to want to hang out with me and not my kid. Probably night is best because they’re sleeping. I would say daytime, when they’re in school, but that’s when I’m working, Virginia. Working! That said, my kids are totally perfect and you should feel lucky that they want to hang out with you.
Fine fine, babysitters are expensive, you guys are all invited over to my place. Not having seen it, would you assume it's a death trap in any key ways I should know about? More importantly, is there any way to make it not a death trap in the 5 minutes or less I spend preparing for your visit?
Mike: Naw, that's our problem. We'll deal with it when we get there. But for your sake, you should know that there's a very good chance any books or magazines you leave lying around will be sucked on and then torn to shreds.
Kristin: I never really believed in baby-proofing my own apartment (and we only had ONE trip to the emergency room due to falling face first onto the edge of our coffee table, thankyouverymuch) so I wouldn’t expect you to do anything that I wouldn't do. Maybe put lighters on a high shelf? Put away the rat poison? I don’t know. That’s about it.