What a world, you know? A lot of stuff happens in it. Some of it bad, some of it good. And some of it seems just to exist purely as distraction from the existential despair that accompanies paying any attention at all to the terrible stuff that's going on. So rather than slavishly following the news right now, which seems to be getting as much wrong as right, why not avoid the darker aspects of human existence for a little bit longer, and let your mind go to a place of lightness and laughter. At least for a little bit. The darkness will come back. It always does.
Is there anything more self esteem-boosting than mocking the parenting choices of others? No! Nothing is better than that. If you're feeling bad about yourself, just laugh at the life choices of others. And the latest thing that we can mock is the latest trend in Brooklyn parenting (oh, Brooklyn! never change): elimination communication. As the New York Times reports, parents are skipping the diaper years and just letting their babies poop in pots or sinks or whatever's handy. Babies as young as three weeks are pooping wherever is most convenient, although, as one parent notes, " “I don’t think you can walk down Fifth Avenue and just let your baby poop on the sidewalk.” Well said. So, yeah, if you need to forget about the anxiety you feel about the state of the world right now, just read about "elimination communication" and laugh at how absurd literally every single thing is right now. Every single thing.
Julie Delpy On Feminism
Is everybody else absurdly excited about the upcoming movie, Before Midnight? Well, if you weren't before, you should be now. There is a seriously delightful interview with actress and writer Julie Delpy in GQ, where she talks about a variety of things, including feminism and going topless.
Delpy on feminism: "I'm like, 'Hey, that's chauvinistic, you fuckers!' and they love it. It makes them laugh, you know? I'm such a feminist."
Delpy on toplessness: "I don't think I've ever had sex with a bra on in my life, except maybe once...This is a film for people who can handle a pair of tits."
Delpy on the end of the human race: "We're attracted to people who will give us a baby with the strongest immune system. The Internet could lead to a lot of people who are genetically similar having kids with shitty immune systems, and everyone is going to die. It could be the end of our species, really."
Just read it. She's amazing and will make you forget everything bad in this world.
Gout Is a Thing Still
New York Magazine's Grub Street Diet is one of the best things about Friday mornings, and this week was no exception. Brooklyn-resident and former member of LCD Soundsystem (RIP), James Murphy was featured in this week's installation and we learned some interesting things! Namely, that he has gout. What? He is not a Tudor king? I'm so confused. And distracted! Which is the whole point of this list.
Here's a thing that amazed me. There is still someone in this world who is not embarrassed to admit liking The Fountainhead. This both amazed and amused me. Who is this person? It is socialite and fashion-person Lauren Santo Domingo. In a feature on Refinery 29, Santo Domingo is asked, "What is you all-time favorite book and why?" She reveals, "That is like asking someone which is their favorite pair of shoes! Impossible. But I could safely say that The Fountainhead is at the top of the list. That Dominique Francon is an evil genius, and I love her." Well! At least she didn't compare having to choose a favorite book to the infamous choice that Sophie had to make. Because you just know she's never read Styron. Not enough evil geniuses.
A Poet Who Knows It
So when Mayor Bloomberg isn't busy singing the praises of Jay-Z in the pages of Time, he's putting pen to paper and exploring his lyrical side. Gothamist revealed the poem that Bloomberg created in honor of "Poem In Your Pocket Day," which is apparently a thing and not part of a mildy dirty joke.
The best part is clearly this because of the Ezra Pound burn:
My stuff’s not like Dickinson - or Gertrude Stein
I’m not a new Longfellow, though he’s just fine
I don’t write like Whitman, I don’t rhyme like Pope
I don’t sound like Ezra Pound (or so I hope)
But the whole thing is pretty incredible. Now that he's almost out of a job, let's hope that Bloomberg reinvents himself as a poet. We will always need things to laugh at, and this seems like a good one. Hopefully, though, he will never appear on my new Tumblr obsession, Poets Without Clothes (NSFW), because I just couldn't handle that.
Never Change, Dr. Ruth
Dr. Ruth Westheimer, self-described "psychosexual therapist" has one of the best twitter feeds out there and the nice thing is that she is amazingly consistent in her tweets. This has never been more true than right now, when there is so much terrible stuff going on in the world, and Dr. Ruth reminds us of what is really important: boning.
Remember Ryan Lochte?
Who could forget how last summer we all fell in love with the golden Olympian with the mouth full of bling? Well, even if you did forget, Lochte is here to make you remember again. He's in the news again promoting his new reality TV show and he is, um, being very, very real. On Good Morning Philly, Lochte proved once again that, pretty as he is and talented at swimming as he might be, his true talent lies in his ability to make everyone around him laugh. Are they laughing at him? Sure. But also we're laughing with him. Because he's laughing too. Because he's dumb.
Speaking of Never Changing
Elizabeth Wurtzel refuses to grow up. I don't know about you, but I find something oddly reassuring in that. In a piece in The Atlantic, Wurtzel explains that the reason she looks so damn good and can party in Williamsburg with 20 year olds, despite being twice their age, is because she just won't grow up. She says what she wants and she "Solves most problems with duct tape." She is, she readily admits, very self-involved. And you know what? She is. But who cares, really? She's not hurting anyone with her self-involvement. And more and more, I've come to believe that as long as you're not hurting anybody else, do whatever the fuck you want. Elizabeth Wurtzel should just keep on being herself, with her duct-taped together life.
Garfield Minus Garfield
If you really want to escape from everything resembling reality, because reality sometimes is just too much to bear, then please head over to Garfield Minus Garfield. The conceit is right there in the title, but it is so much more than just a conceit. It is existential angst in comic form. It is brilliant. Go get lost in it and forget about the real despair in the world right now. That's what I'm going to do anyway.
Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen