Thinking of moving out west, aren’t you, Aries? Wide open roads, insufferably expansive horizons, open-toed shoes year-round — I guess that all sounds pretty good, but are you sure you want to leave the grimy, cynical, hunch-shouldered paradise that is the tristate area? You’ll probably have to work out and take better care of your skin out there. I’m just saying. [Please don’t go.]