June 29th: Three friends spend four and a half hours at the new Ikea in Red Hook. Two of those hours are spent choosing out 18 pieces of furniture from the showrooms (roughly $1,500). One hour is spent trying to find all the lumber from the lumber room. The rest of the time (one and a half hours) is spent in lines--waiting for cracked out sloth monster people in line to locate their whatever, waiting for someone to go back up into the showroom to get a printed out piece of pink paper and a signature, waiting in the home-delivery line. They are told that their furniture will be delivered on July 3 (one item was out of stock). Sounds good.
July 3: A call comes from someone in a delivery truck saying that the coffee table actually isn't in stock yet, but that they'd deliver it when the table comes in stock. "Oh. Okay."
July 6, 8, 10: Calls to Ikea get directed to voicemail, no one calls back.
July 14: One of the friends gets in touch with an actual human at Ikea Red Hook--she seems kind and vaguely competent. She says she will take care of everything. A few phone conversations later, she says that the coffee table is in stock and that everything will ship on Friday.
July 18: Nothing. Friday comes and goes. Calls to the Ikea woman go unreturned.
July 19: One friend has an interesting chat with an Ikea representative online via Ikea instant message. They provide the same number the other friend already used.
July 24: A new Ikea rep promises the pieces--minus the troublesome coffee table--to be delivered the next day between 10am and 2pm.
July 25: Nothing.
July 28: A new Ikea rep, Tracy (a man) for the first time seems genuinely upset about what's going on. He promises to figure it out.
July 30: Tracy says he has it figured out, and that the delivery company will call tomorrow to determine a drop-off time. They eventually call and determine between 9am and 2pm on Friday, August 1.
August 1, 8:38 am: Hooray, Ikea furniture!
The end. All the children are asleep.