Monday, September 8, 2008

Tyra Banks Is Pissing Me Off

Posted By on Mon, Sep 8, 2008 at 1:00 PM



Few things frustrate me more than book snobs who are overly outspoken about their well-cultivated literary taste and finely-curated palette for quality fiction. What, like it's not perfectly acceptable to dig Judy Blume as much as Anton Chekov?

The helpless anger I feel over this pales in comparison to what I experienced last night, when I finally caught up on the 12th and current season of America's Next Top Model. I'd given up on the show about two cycles ago, and figured I owed it at least one more chance, particularly since the winners were finally starting to get interesting. (Sidenote: I really miss Yoanna House. Although, she's now hosting the N's Queen Bees!)

In the clip above, at minute 5:10, you'll see judge-y supermodel banshee/Expert On Everything In the World Tyra Banks deride Susan, a new contestant and Hilary Swank look-alike for not being able to name her favorite literary heroine on cue. Now, while it's certainly possible that Susan--who says she majored in English and American Literature and Language at Harvard--really didn't "pay much attention in those classes." But it kind of doesn't matter, because I just hate how smug and self-congratulatory Tyra is over her pitiful victory. Indeed, she gets her prey to draw a total mind-blank, causing the poor girl to pull a series of super confused panic faces that would make Whitney Port proud.

Thing is, Tyra clearly was pre-prepared (good work, interns!) to dole out some tired references to a few obvious tomes:

"Jane Eyre? Rebecca? Give me five poses that Viola does. Now we're going to take it away from heroines, and we're going to go to animals. Let's do Jack London, White Fang. Go! Pearl S. Buck: The Good Earth. You're mining the fields of rice…? Girl, you know Harvard is going, ‘Oh, Lord! She's embarrassing us right now!"

No, actually, they're probably going STFU, you pedantic bi-atch. I mean, isn't it obvious that it might not be all that easy to name your favorite anything when you're standing in a weird room that resembles an awkward space-ship as you're gawked at by TyTy and her fame-hungry minions? Tyra Banks, you may fancy yourself the next Oprah, but until you can control the publishing industry with a mere flick of your wrist, I don't want to hear any more high-and-mighty lit-lip like this out of you! And don't even get me started on Jay Manuel's obnox silver coiff. Attitude adjustments required all around!

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