Friday, October 3, 2008

Someone Else Made This So That You Don't Have To: It's An American Apparel Halloween!

Posted By on Fri, Oct 3, 2008 at 9:30 AM

During a regular week, Someone Else Made This So That You Don't Have To provides me with the excuse to troll the bowels of DIY marketplace Etsy.com for amazing thingz fashioned out of dust by by whimsical fairy queens! However, the American Apparel Halloween guide is in, it is far more important, at this juncture, to discuss the quid pro quo hipster chain's costume suggestions. Herein, a close and fearsome look at what Dov Charney wants you to don on the last day of October. (Do not forget to watch some of the helpful internet How-To videos.) He is bringing sexxy back: Go 'head, be gone with it.

90s Teen Pregger: She is soooo ambiguous. Is it Brit Brit? Jamie Lynne? Jessical Alba? Bristol Palin? Does it matter? She's wearing short shorts and is carrying a garbage-bag purse. And a fetus. Darling headband, though.

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Nudist Colony: It's like a David Sedaris essay meets Genesis. I cannot stop staring at the poor redbeard who is so delighted to be holding the spatula. Why is he wearing driving mocs? Oh, because the apocalypse is coming. Jump on a vespa and DRIVE, just like Elijah Wood in Deep Impact. Then, cook your naked friends some juicy moose patties.


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Gold Digger: Yeah, she is a trifflin' friend indeed. But plus two for giving her the shovel as an actual ho-prop.

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Skunk: A foul-smelling animal is playfully poking out of ths model's sphycter. I cannot. I want to go back to Edwardian times.
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Rainbow: AA has discovered the only group-costume idea more ungodly than the Hockey Mom Pitbull and Old Walnut the Maverick duo. Also? PUT SOME FUCKING PANTS ON, brahs. It is the Panic of 2008, in semi-sheer fabrics. The devil has risen, and he is hiding in the caverns of Green's armpits.

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