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Our coming robot future is the subject of the new issue of the L. Yes, the future, when all ice cream has been replaced by Dippin' Dots and the only font is Futura. Pick up our magazine and take it with you, keep it by your side always, to guide you as you navigate the strange new world.
- We begin in the past, with Adam Bonislawski's ruminations on Ye Olde New Amsterdam, and the ghostly traces of it still visible today — the subway, for instance, and another series of tubes I won't spoil for you.
- But the future, the future! IN THE YEAR 2000, you will be able to grill a sandwich with your computer! IN THE YEAR 2000, your pocket square will repel bullets! IN THE YEAR 2000, plants shall walk! Yes, all this and more, in Toys from the Future, a gadget guide to send even the most skeptical of you skittering away to the bunker with the canned food and bottled water.
- Elsewhere in the magazine — a time capsule, perhaps, to be unearthed by the same alien race that discovers Haley Joel Osmentbot at the end of A.I. — Sharon takes on the songs of the moment in Popscene by herself, and goes completely, utterly nuts. Back in November of 2008, as well, we were concerned about the economy, and volunteering to help in any way we can (so The Future shall learn from the Conscientious Objector); we were buying local (or so shall be written in future textbooks drawing from Fashionville); we were having sex, or at least thinking about it constantly.
The future shall be a bright and wondrous thing. I hope I shall live to see it. The wave of the future, the wave of the future, the wave of the future, the wave of the future, the wave...