Hi there, America. Would you like to know what to expect from 2009, the individual days of which are lining up — stretching all the way back to the horizon — to punch you in the stomach even as we speak? Well, you are in luck, for now there is The L Magazine's Totally True Guide to The Shit That Will Befall You in Anno Domini MMIX. What will happen in the future?
Short version: Robots.
Longer version: you — yes you — will have sex, says Natural Redhead Audrey Ference; we will still need to eat and drink, if notorious liar Andrea Rosen's restaurant and bar year-in-previews are to be trusted; we will still wear clothes, perhaps designed by the names Fashionville's Laurel Pinson says to watch; we will go green if only by necessity (and out of love for cute koala bears), says Conscientious Objector Amanda Park Taylor; we will probably all forget how to read, says Book Page editor Nate Brown; we will listen to music (but not pay for it obvs), and Tom Breihan has pretty good ideas about what kind of music that will be, in an predicto-essay that's basically one long awesome pullquote.
In short, everyone: read our magazine so we still have jobs, it's not like it costs you anything.